Tuesday, March 2, 2010

blue skies

i wonder...
if having a baby is a little bit like sky diving.
& maybe~
if going into labour...
is a little bit like jumping.
Those first few moments of sheer panic, & thrilling terror as you plummet towards earth head over heels, earth and sky blending together and all your senses struggling to right themselves.
Those first sleepless nights - responding to tiny cries, your body broken and tender, sweating and hungry as you cling to the beauty of life - bonding with your new wee one...
& then -
i imagine -
('cause i've never actually gone sky diving...)
That there would come a moment - where you figure out what is sky, and what is earth...
You learn that tiny person loves a long sleep in the morning... and at 7pm, only wants to be nestled into mama's neck... until 9 - when he'll fall into a deeper sleep & allow himself to be gently put down.
Maybe there comes a moment, while still in free fall - where you figure out, what's what...
& you get used to changing his diaper quickly 'cause you know he hates to be naked... You can tell by the change in his breathing, he's about to wake up - or fall asleep... your milk lets down right before he cries to be fed - and you feel like this tiny stranger - has become your most intimate companion...
Maybe, you start to enjoy the fall - as you feel the wind rip at your clothes with the speed of your decline - & you look into the face of the one you love & whisper - "How did i ever live without you?" & maybe in that moment - though you're plunging towards earth at breakneck speed -
maybe...
it will seem in that moment, like the whole world is standing still - as you let his tiny head fall back just enough that you can fit your lips into the soft skin of his neck - and just... breathe.

Maybe one day -
i'll pull the chute...
& i'll wonder where all those crazy plummeting, sleepless nights went...
Those crazy careening moments, days, weeks and months i spent figuring out my little person - & his needs, wants & comforts.
Maybe one day, i'll be floating towards earth - remembering the thrill of jumping - the terror of falling - and i'll think, poignantly... i wish i could float towards earth a little slower... 'cause this sure has been an joy... a gift... a thrill -
to raise this boy -
to watch him grow -
to smother him with love and kisses -
to teach him to be a man -
to tell him about our Father,
and to experience,
yet again -
the adventure of motherhood.

4 comments:

Minerva said...

*sigh* :) Lovely!

Lesley said...

I feel that this analogy needs proving...care to give it a go? I'm way too much of a baby, I get chills at the thought of jumping off the diving board! You, however, seem like a brave sort of chick...

Jen said...

Beautiful.
For some reason, as exciting and thrilling as sky diving sounds....I'd way rather have a baby :)
Maybe we should try it together sometime.
I'm glad you're able to enjoy the ride down...I was again reminded yesterday of how quickly that 'jump' is over. I guess I'm climbing on the plane again - ready to give it another go!
One much cooler thing about babies is that the 'jump' never gets old...I would think that with sky diving the thrill would lessen with each one.
K, I'm rambling...

Mindy said...

Just what I would've said if it had occurred to me. Beautiful!

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