little blessings

All of a sudden i had a burst of gratitude...
i wanna write it down.
i bought a new (to me) washing machine on kijiji - & a little man who looked like a gnome from Narnia came to my house to install it at 9pm on what had been a terrible day. Since then, every so often i have a panicked thought, "LAUNDRY!!" & then there is just the sweetest relief of knowing i now have a nice little machine that works and is all hooked up for me to use... It's a beautiful thing. My husband sounded so relieved on the phone when i told him it was all taken care of.
i am so grateful for a second hand washing machine that is mine all mine.
Now this might sound funny, but i was scrubbing my toilets - and recently i bought new toilet bowl scrubbers... Not the funnest thing to buy... but what a silly pleasure it gives me to clean with a fresh tool that isn't discouragingly used up.
Worth it.
My big sister came for a visit... She brought food and some sweet maternity loaners, fresh smiles and laughs and company on what has been a really long lonely stretch without my husband. It makes me cry to think of all that she brought - and we crammed in an awesome Christian apologetics conference in the 24 hours her & her crew were here - and i gleaned some fresh new ideas for my mind to chew on - and a fresh appreciation for a Father who i love with my heart and soul... and my mind too.
i have so much bread that i can't fit it in my freezer.
i bought a new baby blanket that exactly matches my tiny son's room... and it's impossibly soft... and it made me imagine wrapping him in it... and that was a nice thought to hold onto.
i got 5 pairs of new socks for $5.
Ephraim told me he loved me during his bubble bath.
i'm big enough to enjoy my little belly, but small enough to enjoy it too...
i skipped church - and it was the right thing to do.
i caught ephraim just as he was about to clip a paper clip onto his penis...
My little ones make me laugh and cry and burst and smile all at the same time... they fuel me.
i'm so grateful for gratitude - for that explosive feeling that lets you see the good, and experience the blessings...
Big and little.

only sadie on my mind

My niece is going in for surgery as i type - to get a port put in for the chemo treatments that start tomorrow. 
She's so wee. 
With her white hair - and girly smile... her chicklet teeth, and sing song voice. 
It is a crazy thing - to watch your sister in agony...
She has researched, and produced binders of information on this extremely rare condition.  She has held the strands of hurting siblings, and aching daddy, her half crazed self - and a tiny Sadie who she would lay down and die for... and then handed them over to the Father who's got the whole world in His hands. 
Jessie's blog

fyi

If you're a little ticked about something...
Don't phone your husband for company - he will more than likely grunt some unintelligible response about, "whatever you say..."
If you're teary & upset - you phone a girlfriend.
Better yet, a sister...
& they will get irate on your behalf...
"They did WHAT?? I would be FURIOUS!!! i AM furious!! Let's round up a posse with torches and pitchforks!!"
You don't even have to utter the words burning in your indignant little soul, "It's go time..." (as mollen would say.) Because just by validating your feelings - your soul sister has taken away the worst of it. & the most pressing issue on your mind now is whether or not your 5' tall 6 months pregnant sister is gonna show up at someones house & give them a good ol' fashioned bum kicking.
Gives me the courage to think smugly to myself...
"Mess with me, mess with my sisters... "
& trust me, nobody wants to do that...
i know, i know - the pastor even referenced that verse yesterday, "in your anger, do not sin..." & i know this isn't a very kindly post :) but you gotta love that we're in the thick of our 30's & i still know who's got my back...
& so mr. rude, i forgive you for your, "i'm gonna have to ask you to leave..."
This time...
If it happens again, i'm bringin' my sisters.
Just sayin'.

sharing sisters

i was more than giddy when i found out my sister is pregnant.
Even if it's only a few weeks, it will be fun to be expecting our seventh children together.
She teased her excited husband for buying their baby a present only days after having a positive pregnancy test - but i happen to know that it was her who first dropped money on the new babe when we each bought raw amber teething necklaces for our unborn babies.
We share ideas, solutions & stories, along with our older sister - in our motherhood journey... we share a passion for our children, homeschooling & marriage... & in these days, we share an excited anticipation for the babes to come.
& this time, we will be sharing another teeny element of our lives as we grow these newest little ones.
We will each be nursing our toddler sons.
Seems so much less lonesome to be counter culture when your sister joins you.

Take 3... (i promise this will be the last one)

i commented in my last post about the fun(niness) of being out & about with my sisters.

We each arrived from our corner of the province - tired. i won't go into every intimate detail about why we were tired... let your imagination be your guide. (If right now you're picturing travelling with 6 children in a cramped Honda van... keep goin'. If you're picturing the baby screaming everytime he wants something & a fight breaking out in the backseat over a McDonalds toy... yeh, you're on the right track... Throw in some noisy conversation and shushing children while daddy has a business meeting on his blackberry - gettin' warmer... )

After checking into the hotel, we headed over to the Shaw conference center for our sound check. Stephanie brought her camera & we regret not taking pictures both with the security guards from the Shaw and also with Ed Stelmach's personal security - (he looked so tough & cool with the little curly ear piece!) (See above for evidence of us harrassing the RCMP with our photo requests... By the end of the breakfast, people who we *didn't* ask for a photo with them were probably wondering what was wrong with them... )

We were giddy.

i think that's when it started.

Being overtired & in the company of my sisters is a little like intoxication. Suddenly everything was funnier... we weren't nervous - we've sung together for decades - and these songs were completely familar to us. This was fun - we were out of our elegance element completely - and we were gonna milk it.

After the sound check, we headed back for the fancy dinner. i decided that Gagey's snot was not my preferred accessory, so i changed. Stephanie put on lipstick, Jess borrowed my make up. We kissed the babies goodbye & headed off.

They went around the table with each person having a chance to say a piece... When Jessica (who went first out of us girls) introduced herself as the mother of 6, the room errupted in applause. Then, it was my turn... our resumes are so similar, so i got a round of applause too... & they shouted at Stephanie... "C'mon!! You can make it 18!!" She slyly held up 7 fingers... That sealed the deal. We were our own little freak show.

Indeed. That is us... the mothers of 19.

i can't skip ahead to the next morning... i have to add a little bit about what happened all during the wee hours of the night...

First of all... a delicious supper that was not prepared by us - beef, potatoes, veggies, salad. Yummy punch... chocolate dipped strawberries... None of which Jessie got to eat. She was called away after having maybe 4 forkfulls. Little Wes is teething & needed his mama... badly. As a matter of fact, i think she might have some permanent hearing damage from when she answered the call from her husband - wailing Wess in the background... Pushing his request into the foreground... She left early - & i don't think there was even any leftover pizza from the boys' little pizza party with the kids for her to eat...

Stephanie & i asked them to leave her plate, hoping she could make it back... got them to leave her a desert too - which we ended up leaving when it was time to go & obvious that she wasn't coming back.

Then, we went to our rooms. We did a little switcharoo, as they had messed up our rooms, and given her the bigger room (she only brought 2 children) so she took 2 of mine & we headed off to bed.

That's when the fun began.

Poor sweet Gage... had *no* idea what was expected of him... To sleep in this foreign place? Not to butt his head all over his siblings? To quit talking and settle into dreamland? That couldn't possibly be what we wanted... This confusion, fueled by a healthy dose of hyper kept me shushing, nursing, backrubbing, snuggling 'till the wee hours... When, at 3am, i knew i would have to move my arm to get it into a comfortable position... i knew i was taking a risk that it would disturb my *finally* sleeping baby... but i did it anyway. When i glanced at him again, he was standing, holding onto the backboard jumping.

hehe - funny guy...

i guess Jessie & Stephanie's nights were pretty similar to mine. Our final soundcheck the next morning was "between 6:30 & 7"... so at the bum crack of dawn, i roused my weary self from the bed... leaving a snoozing prince snuggled in daddy's arms... and had a long, hot shower.

Let me tell you what having about 3 hours of sleep does to a 32 year old mama of 6. It makes even the mundane, daily things... really, really, really funny. The snow that started when we were walking to the Shaw, Jessie's husband whistling and cat calling as we crossed the street in our slippery heels... even the tiny ketchups on the table that Jess kept threatening to steal. When i almost fell through my chair (they were wobbly!!)... How about when someone asked me for our contact info & i had to rummage past the cloth diapers and sleeper in my purse to find a pen? Or when, sitting at the table of musicians and security, Stephanie suggested we should have been seated, "mistrel, knight, minstrel, knight" & i *howled* & smacked the table & the whole thing shook... i think i even made the security jump. (i KNOW, that's only funny to a 13 year old boy with pocket protectors and a nasal voice...).

*sigh*

The preface reads: 3 sister mamas escape for breakfast on the town... hilarity ensues.

The End.

Premiers Breakfast Take 2

Ok, so maybe i don't have anymore thoughts to add after my original piece yesterday. i have some small thoughts rattling around in my mind... like could something called a Prayer Breakfast possibly be more about rubbing elbows than about Jesus? Maybe i could post about watching both of my sisters so eloquently speak *truth* about a loving relationship with Jesus at the dinner the night before... Or the hilarity of 3 housebound mamas on the loose at a fancy schmancy event... (ok, i just may blog about that sometime in the future... i'm still not positive that Jess didn't steal some of those tiny ketchups... Stay tuned for Take 3) & then i have my wiggling thoughts about Father Lucien Larre - one of the people who, because of conscience returned his Order of Canada when Henry Morgentaler was given the same award. He was the guest speaker at the breakfast. i was disappointed that they left out the return of his "prestigious" award in his introduction, but it is heartening to have that bit of information about him. What an example to us all.
But, honestly...

Yesterday's post sums it up for me. i had fun. i love my sisters. i love God.

i hope we point continually to Him.

Premiers Prayer Breakfast - take 1

My carriage is a pumpkin & my lipstick is all wiped off. My heels are still in my suitcase & my feet are bare... i have a teeny blister on one toe from running around in heels so much the last 2 days.
i'm home.
So, you didn't know i was gone? i know - i'm a genius - i pre-posted my last entries 'cause i knew i would be away. By some pleasant circumstances, my sisters & i got asked to sing at the Premiers Prayer Breakfast in Edmonton. There was a fancy dinner the night before, and then a beautiful breakfast for 1200. We hardly get to sing together anymore, so it was so much fun for us to get the opportunity to be a part of such a cool event.
So, now i'm home... i didn't sleep last night... Gage had no idea how to sleep in a hotel & i spent the night using all my magic momma tricks to get him to sleep (read: nursing him non-stop). i'm not sure that i know how to put together my thoughts on our little experience quite yet, so for now, i will share with you the part that stands out to me the most.
For this, i am so grateful to my sister Stephanie.
From the moment that we got asked to sing, i hoped for the opportunity to talk to Mr. Stelmach about de-insuring abortion in our province. It hurts that our tax dollars are going to fund something that we are so morally opposed to. i brought it up in jest with my sisters... still hoping...
Fast forward to the end of the breakfast - we had met the Premier already and there was now a big line up of people waiting to shake his hand & greet him that morning. Jess had already had to leave because of her hungry little nursling & Stephanie & i were about to try to get out of there too. She looked at me & said, "Should we go talk to him about de-listing abortion?"
i really wanted to.
We waited in the line up - and Stephanie spoke first. i hopped in right beside her and said my piece. Something to the effect of, 'i know that this morning is supposed to be fun and non-confrontational - but i may never get the chance to meet the Premier again & i do feel like i want to ask you to please consider de-insuring abortion as it is morally unjust.' (Only, i didn't say it even that smoothly - & my words didn't come together like that... & i felt uncomfortable... ) We talked briefly - i felt like he *heard* us.
*relief*.
i had done what i knew my heart needed me to do.
i know i wasn't eloquent - or necessarily convincing. i know that our small plea might not have an effect on the unjust laws that make abortion all too easy.
But, in that moment, i felt...
obedient.

sisters

On Saturday, we packed up the family & went to Wetaskiwin. My nephew had another wrestling tournament & we decided to go watch & cheer. When we went a couple of weeks ago, i was shocked to see girls wrestling... it's just not something i would have ever... EVER wanted to do in highschool... first, there's the outfits... ummm... not flattering... & then there's the fact that you grab another girl - with spit flying - & try to wrestle her to the ground...

Really? They sign up for this??

So, we were watching the wrestling & suddenly, we heard my other nephew pipe up from behind us... "Hey, look - a boy's gonna wrestle a girl - this is gonna be interesting."

(No, they didn't have boys wrestling girls... it was just one of those funny misunderstandings...)

This time Jess & co. couldn't make it so, this Saturday, it was just us & the Fehlers. We filed into a *packed* gymnasium - with our 13 children in tow. It was a little nutty - but i was so glad i got to go. Stephanie & i locked eyes & visited as quickly as we could. After Wyatt's matches were over, we went to McDonalds for ice cream - admired each others babies - laughed at our preteens & tried to squeeze as much into our brief encounter as we could.

As we drove away, i sighed, 'Thank you, Neil'. i love how he makes these things happen.

Then on Sunday night, Jess & her crew showed up at my house. Teeny Wes having already changed so much since the last time we saw him. They were spending the night on their way to a family get away at Radium. i made jess climb into bed with me where we could nurse babies, change bums & entertain whichever little ones wanted to visit with the mamas. i have no idea where Neil & Curt were.

i miss my sisters.

i love that they are such a sweet encouragement to me - but i wish we lived closer.