Lemme tell you, Mollen had no trouble finding dancing partners...
i spent a teary day in my pj's.
i think it was called for under the circumstances.
The pain (i'm sick of that word) is still pretty bad - & i keep hoping that the next time i move, it won't hurt quite so badly... Everything is weighed against the pain... 'i'm thirsty... but it can wait...' 'boy, it would be nice to get out of my jammies into some real clothes... boy that would hurt... '
That night, Friday night, was Cairo's barn dance put on by her fiddle group. i had so been looking forward to watching my girl on this night - but night comes & i feel weak, tired & so, painfully, sore...
"Are you coming mom?" She asks...
i wouldn't miss it...
i can tell that Neil's exhausted from, "Taking care of ALL of my babies..." He says pointedly.
But, i tucked my greasy hair into pigtails, slipped into a big pair of pants & put on some lipstick.
When we arrived, all the seats were filled & the old people in them looked at me with my crutches & tiny baby & fairly clutched their seats nervously. We stood at the entrance for awhile - Neil scoured the room for an empty seat & picked it up & carried it back for me.
i feel like i'm inconveniencing everyone... & it makes me feel oh-so-uncomfortable... but for whatever reason, i'm in a season of helplessness, & there's just nothing to be done about it.
My girl played.
She played, she danced, she held hands with her girlfriends.
My camera battery died.
i think it was called for under the circumstances.
The pain (i'm sick of that word) is still pretty bad - & i keep hoping that the next time i move, it won't hurt quite so badly... Everything is weighed against the pain... 'i'm thirsty... but it can wait...' 'boy, it would be nice to get out of my jammies into some real clothes... boy that would hurt... '
That night, Friday night, was Cairo's barn dance put on by her fiddle group. i had so been looking forward to watching my girl on this night - but night comes & i feel weak, tired & so, painfully, sore...
"Are you coming mom?" She asks...
i wouldn't miss it...
i can tell that Neil's exhausted from, "Taking care of ALL of my babies..." He says pointedly.
But, i tucked my greasy hair into pigtails, slipped into a big pair of pants & put on some lipstick.
When we arrived, all the seats were filled & the old people in them looked at me with my crutches & tiny baby & fairly clutched their seats nervously. We stood at the entrance for awhile - Neil scoured the room for an empty seat & picked it up & carried it back for me.
i feel like i'm inconveniencing everyone... & it makes me feel oh-so-uncomfortable... but for whatever reason, i'm in a season of helplessness, & there's just nothing to be done about it.
My girl played.
She played, she danced, she held hands with her girlfriends.
My camera battery died.
*(Keep an eye on her blog for a more thorough description of the evening.)*
When we finally arrived home, i hobbled into bed...
Time for a game plan...
Tomorrow, i decided, i'll figure out how to take a bath... i'll get myself dressed & put on make up. Tomorrow, i'll figure out how to do better than to cope. Tomorrow, maybe it won't hurt quite so bad... & i'll be able to get up and down a little easier - with a little less pain...
Tomorrow.
When we finally arrived home, i hobbled into bed...
Time for a game plan...
Tomorrow, i decided, i'll figure out how to take a bath... i'll get myself dressed & put on make up. Tomorrow, i'll figure out how to do better than to cope. Tomorrow, maybe it won't hurt quite so bad... & i'll be able to get up and down a little easier - with a little less pain...
Tomorrow.
& so each day will bring a little victory - maybe a little more get up and go, maybe the thrill of an outing to watch my little ones do what they do, a visit from my bundle of energy sister, an inspiration from a good book...
& eventually i'll be able to look at these 6 weeks as living rather than a little prison sentence...
Day4, 38 days remaining.
6 comments:
I think you should start a construction paper chain like with your babies :)
Or a bowl full of 38 jelly beans and eat one a day and watch them dwindle.
You are an inspiration (as always) as you go through this struggle with a positive outlook and a willing/teachable heart.
The barn dance looked so fun! Glad you were able to make it.
Jen put it perfectly - you have a willing and teachable heart. This is a *rough* season for you... I pray that you will continue to open yourself to receiving God's grace and mercy...
The jelly beans? They'd all be gone in a day. Nobody around here has *that* much self-control!
j, i'm not dignifying this sucker with a paper chain! hehe...
The barn dance is a lot of fun. Next year, i'm gonna dance with my small fry!
paige, this morning i read...my heart overflows with good theme...and i had to stop and think. does my heart overflow with a good theme...a theme of joy, peace and love?? my prayer for you today is that in spite of the pain, in spite of the tiredness, the unmet expectations, the weakness, the unfulfilled desires...your heart will *overflow* with a good theme.
you are encouraging me with your perspective and i'm so thankful that before i even read your blog i know that i will find praise to the Father. like David's psalms...even during tremendously painful times he always came back to the Father in the end. love that!
Fawne
I looked at the 2nd picture down and thought 'is that Cai or Paige?' She looks so much like you in that picture! (I'm assuming that' her, right?)
Looks like tons of fun. I hope you're feeling better :)
That's EXACTLY what I though too, Paige. Looks like you've got a little clone:) Wow, she is growing up fast!
Carlee
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