Thursday, March 25, 2010

Finishing "Strong"

i had this plan in my head...
ok, i had a ton of plans in my head...
Plans for this spring - i had a few niggling, 'things to get done' that needed to wait till after the baby, i had some personal 'fitness' plans, i had homeschool plans, music plans & housekeeping plans.
Plans, plans, plans...
My homeschool plan was at the forefront of my mind as my pregnancy progressed so much farther than my due date & as i seemed, for the billionth time, to be 'cutting back to the basics' - instead of branching out, lighting the fires of their minds & "Finishing Strong".
i know, it's only the end of March...
But i have already come to terms with the fact that this homeschool year, i might have to settle for 'finishing', rather than finishing strong... i wanted to complete our unit of History - & have the time to delve into latin, greek, logic and more writing. i wanted to get Mollen interested & incorporated into our homeschool so that when grade 1 hits, she's ready to *fly*. i wanted to finish early, confident that each of my September goals had been met - ready to face a summer full of learning in the outdoors, without the burden of mother-guilt looming over me. 'Did i do enough? Are they competent learners? Will X ever come for this child & Y for that child? Am i ruining my most precious gifts by trying to do something i'm obviously ill-equipped for?'
& now?
My insecurities are threatening to overwhelm.
If anyone even mentions their music lessons, i might just have to break down and cry.
But, i'm still determined that in one area...
we will finish strong...
& by strong - i mean soft, weak, fragile, broken, ready - & teachable.
Our hearts - in their weakened state - used by the Master Craftsman - to create what is lovely in His sight... i'll teach my children - by example, to be malleable. Broken, yet whole... put off, but not forgotten, working towards goals that might not be completed - yet not thwarted...

Oh, little ones... mama might have let the reigns of a perfect education slip from her fingers a little this year - but let's finish strong - with patience, perseverance and joy - towards His goals for our lives. They're worthier than anything your mama ever thought up anyway.

Philippians 3:12-14 (New International Version)

Pressing on Toward the Goal
12Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. 13Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, 14I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.


Jen said...

Things never go as planned do they. I guess if they did we would be lacking in a whole lot of character.
You are doing awesome P!

Congratulations on getting through week one! :)

Anonymous said...

Oh Paige, they are learing *so* much more through this than you will know. SO much more than bookwork, richness in love, compassion, helping.... Don't you worry one bit & don't forget they are ALWAYS *learning*:)


Anonymous said...

Sorry, I typed too fast & it missed my "n" in learning in the first sentence.

Amanda said...

Hi! I just ran across your blog randomly but thought I would just encourage you. Your family is beautiful! I am so encouraged by your "Mommy-ness" :) I'm sure they appreciate you, even when they might not express it.

Sounds like you're doing a great work! Looking forward to reading more.



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