*from Saturday, Dec 19th*
"Baby, ah yahv you!" Gage shouts to my belly, echoing the words he has heard so often. i question his sincerity... Does he know 'love' & understand the tiny baby who often wrestles me from within as he wrestles me 'from without'?
"Where's the baby?" i ask... It's less frequent now that he points to his own belly... he knows that mine is the secret hiding place of this mysterious baby who takes up so much of the space that previously belonged to him.
Lately, i have found myself to be more wrapped up in my baby's position - rather than in my baby... How did that happen? As i type this, little person has the hiccups & is all cuddled on one side of my belly... with sweet head perched up between my ribs.
Darling baby - i know there must be a good reason why you're upside down. Finally today - i'm feeling a little more peace.
i was talking to God - about my concerns - i told Him that the word "breech" scares me a little. i told Him that the word breech combined with the words anterior placenta seemed to limit some of my options... i told Him that i didn't want baby's birth story to be told by policy or procedure... but instead i wanted a peaceful, natural birth...
& you know what i feel like He wants me to do? i feel like i'm to wrap it all up - in a big bundle or package, tying it all up - so that none can escape & fall back into my lap - & hand it to Him...
Kind of how my little ones do with their orange peels.
Papa, will you take care of this for me? Father, i give *You* this baby - completely - including baby's birth. i know that you created us both - & by Your design, baby will either turn, or remain breech... neither because we're flawed or broken... but because of how You made us. Father - i don't know how this little one will enter this world... but... would *You* please be the one to catch?
amen
7 comments:
Even if "worst comes to worst" and baby doesn't turn and you require a C-Section, it really shouldn't matter in the big picture -- as long as you end up with a healthy, happy "normal" baby -- in the end. Even Mrs. Duggar had a few "non-natural" births!!
But, for your sake, I do hope that the little one co-operates and DOES turn... as the taking it easy for about 6 weeks after a section would be VERY HARD with seven kiddies needing attention...
I struggled for a very long time, feeling like I wasn't a good Mum because both kids were born by Section instead of "naturally" -- but I'm starting to realize that it isn't a "perfect birth experience" that counts, it is what happens after the birth. Kind of the same as people fussing to have a perfect wedding "princess for a day" kind of thing and not taking a moment to think about the MARRIAGE... (if you know what I mean...)
Blessings,
Saskatchewan Cousin
i guess my frustration comes from the fact that even if baby doesn't turn, it shouldn't require a c-section automatically - i feel like there should be more options out there... (vaginal delivery of a breech baby...)
You used my line! ;) The image of God being the one to "catch" this time brings to mind the song "With arms wide open" by Creed. Here's another good one for your labouring song list: "Turn, Turn, Turn" by The Byrds. We will be praying for baby to get his little head in position in time and for peace for you as you carefully work this out, the way you do everything. You are a good mama. -j
I think probably the medical profession look at it more like being "safe rather than sorry" - like if they tried a vaginal delivery and it didn't work or baby gets stuck or Mum labours for zillions of hours and needs a section anyway, or the baby ends up with cerebral palsy or something due to trauma from a botched vaginal breech birth -- and they can avoid that by doing a section, then they feel it is best (wiser) to do so.
With Alisdair it was an emergency thing - he was too big (at 9 pounds, 9 ounces) to be delivered vaginally and his head wasn't coming down properly into the birth canal despite being fully dilated and pushing away. Possibly it had something to do with me being 37 for my first birth... But it was a terrifying experience being told I could "push but it won't do any good" and that I had to sign the consent for surgery. Lying there in pain, I didn't have an option but to write my name on the dotted line of the release form! I had gone into hospital at about 9 p.m. and this was about 5 a.m. (after they tried forceps and couldn't get them shut around Alisdair's head)...
With Isobel, the choice was a little more difficult. I could have tried to labour and delivery in a VBAC but at 43 and with the previous history for safety sake the general opinion was it was best to plan for another section. So that's what we did...
Overall, the second experience was much better than the first recovery wise (probably because I wasn't already exhausted from labour) and my uterus hadn't been contracting for hours. Also, it could have been because they used the same bikini line incision and so some of the nerves were "dead" so that it didn't hurt as much. Because they use the same incision, Mums today can have many sections instead of being limited to three like they were years ago (cut in the middle and once on each side). And if you wanted to (I never have) you can still wear a two-piece bathing suit as there is hardly any scarring to show for the surgery.
Anyway, good luck with it all. We will be awaiting the news of the arrival and hope it all sorts itself out and you manage to avoid the scapel and the stapler!
I am going to mail you a clipping from our local paper that compares conception and development in the womb with the Jewish religious festivals and traditions. A very interesting read. Just haven't got it in the post yet...
Denise.
Yes, there certainly are a lot of stories out there of necessary c sections - & absolutely, if it came down to needing a major surgery to keep baby safe, it would be an easy decision to make. But there are a lot of risks for a breech caesarian with anterior placenta too - and i'm not convinced that it would be the best option - & i'd hate to feel forced into something that i felt that much discomfort about, y'know?
This post said it very well! Cast all your cares upon Him...
paige, you know i've had at least one 10 lb'er vaginally so i don't believe doctors when they say something "can't " occur when they really mean "it's more profitable and comfortable for me to medically manage your birth". Praying for baby to turn, for another easy vaginal birth, for a healthy little baby (can't wait to meet this tiny little one!)
I am praying for one sane medical person who will "allow" your baby to be born! LOL! No c section because of anterior placenta, no version because of the same, no vaginal birth because of breech... well, they have to let the little guy get out *somehow!*...
God does have a good plan... hoping for a break for you here, so you don't have to waste the next few weeks worrying about how baby gets out and more about what cute diapers to buy him!
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