*from Saturday, Dec 19th*
"Baby, ah yahv you!" Gage shouts to my belly, echoing the words he has heard so often. i question his sincerity... Does he know 'love' & understand the tiny baby who often wrestles me from within as he wrestles me 'from without'?
"Where's the baby?" i ask... It's less frequent now that he points to his own belly... he knows that mine is the secret hiding place of this mysterious baby who takes up so much of the space that previously belonged to him.
Lately, i have found myself to be more wrapped up in my baby's position - rather than in my baby... How did that happen? As i type this, little person has the hiccups & is all cuddled on one side of my belly... with sweet head perched up between my ribs.
Darling baby - i know there must be a good reason why you're upside down. Finally today - i'm feeling a little more peace.
i was talking to God - about my concerns - i told Him that the word "breech" scares me a little. i told Him that the word breech combined with the words anterior placenta seemed to limit some of my options... i told Him that i didn't want baby's birth story to be told by policy or procedure... but instead i wanted a peaceful, natural birth...
& you know what i feel like He wants me to do? i feel like i'm to wrap it all up - in a big bundle or package, tying it all up - so that none can escape & fall back into my lap - & hand it to Him...
Kind of how my little ones do with their orange peels.
Papa, will you take care of this for me? Father, i give *You* this baby - completely - including baby's birth. i know that you created us both - & by Your design, baby will either turn, or remain breech... neither because we're flawed or broken... but because of how You made us. Father - i don't know how this little one will enter this world... but... would *You* please be the one to catch?