Monday, December 14, 2009

he spoke about grace

at church on Sunday night.
i sat & cried.
Through the whole service.
Grace has always been pretty easy for me to extend.
i *get* that you're sinful, petty, wrong, angry, hurting...
because i've struggled with those things too...
So, to extend grace isn't a huge stretch for me.
What hit me from the get-go... was my own neediness.
It was like i got a flash of truth -
That i require so... much... of it.
Will i require so much that Neil will run out?
Will i be so needing of grace from my children that i will stretch them too thin?
Will my sisters get tired of constantly extending grace & expect me to finally learn?
i was overcome with grief...
Yeh - Jesus so freely extends grace -
& i'm grateful.
but i sat in my shame & sorrow...
knowing that as long as i live in company with other human beings - i will be needing grace extended to me.
& i don't know how to be better...
i don't know how to live to a higher standard... try as i might...
i don't know how to hide my own heart - & display a less fragile, more perfect one...

The only thing i guess that i'm capable of, is to extend even *more* grace... Right? Where grace can no longer be extended to me - i need to extend more grace to the person who gets - understandably - irritated or angry with me for my own foolishness...

Could it be that the solution to needing something so desperately.... is to give it more lavishly....?

8 comments:

Carol said...

Your writing often causes me to think and examine my own heart - thank you - I certainly need to extend more grace.

Melissa said...

Thank you for this, Paige...

Thank you.

Lisa said...

Funny you should post about this because I started a post for my blog about this very topic. But the kids needed me too much, and I got frustrated and just deleted.

Grace is easy for me to extend, and easy for me to take. I am so thankful for such a wonderful thing Jesus brought us.

Prvbs31Mama said...

I'm horrible at Grace...I'm not sure why...sigh...but the sermon last night had me taking lots of notes to reflect on this week and just spend time with God focusing on THIS very big part of who He is...and learn to be more like Him.

paige said...

It can be hard - especially if you are (like me) constantly expecting other *humans* to extend the kind of Grace that only God is capable of.
You know, the older i get, the less trite it seems when i hear that familiar phrase, "what would Jesus do?"

Mandy said...

Ahh a breath of fresh air. I will keep extending grace. Yes I need so much too.

Colleen said...

Paige as I read this it made me miss you so much that I started to cry. In my life you have been one of the greatest examples of God's grace - and I thank you. Unlike you, it is hard for me to extend grace - in my very black and white world :-) And each day I long to leave the impact on others that you have left on me. I love you my friend.

paige said...

colleen, you are invited to guest post & comment on my blog every single day. hehe.
We miss you too. ((hugs))

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