Friday, March 19, 2010

Living with Pain

Most of the last couple of months, i have been living with some degree of pain...
Those last tender weeks of pregnancy, those first tender weeks post-partum...
Breastfeeding, combined with sleep deprivation...
& now this.
i thought once we got the cast on (full leg, ankle to thigh) that i would be in less pain, but, man, i’m still feeling it. Also, my big scab underneath keeps adhering to the cast & then ripping off every time i move. i can’t carry my little sweetheart and walk with crutches, stairs are really hard & so is getting dressed. i’m having a hard time taking care of myself, let alone all the little ones who need me.
i have been examining my heart - & i want to learn now - to rejoice despite the pain... To smile despite the circumstances, to talk about beauty rather than agony.
But the agony keeps creeping in...
Isn't that just how it is?
& so, today - i'm choosing to let the agony in... i'm gonna cry & it might get ugly...
No, i'm not gonna whine - i'm gonna cling.
i'm not gonna be angry - i'm gonna cry out to Him.
i'm not gonna fake a smile - i'm gonna worship my Father - who is worthy.
He's not there only when it's easy... He sees this little mama with her seven precious little ones - He knows how very weak i am.
& in my weakness, He supplies the strength.
He whispers words of compassion and love that speak to me in my vulnerability...
i hear you, Father.

5 comments:

Anonymous said...
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Jen said...

There you go...while you are laid up for a while you can "make money online!!"

Thinking about you today...
When you are weak, HE is strong.

mamalena said...

Father is not "teaching you a lesson," He's taking you through a time.....

Go ahead and cry....I don't care what they say...sometimes it DOES help.

One thing to be thankful for is that you won't be wearing that cast through the heat of the summer.


I love you.....mama

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