Saturday, October 31, 2009

the third trimester

Sometimes, baby...
i feel like awaying with you...
Somewhere dark & warm & safe.
i feel all the outward parts of myself, closing in...
thinking, planning, hoping...
Are mama's, too - in a womb-like state?
Is my perceived weakness - i'm heavy with anticipation, slow & now cumbersome, awkward & quiet...
Are these really my days of preparation?
Am i exercising the required muscles for my journey as your mama?
i found myself today...
dwelling on *you*, little one.
One who will grow up - as a peanut with 6 older brothers and sisters...
i asked God to show me all that is unique & amazing about you.
To help me to *see you* in all the wonder that He created...
To allow me, as your mama, to protect, challenge & nurture you.
i asked Him to faithfully remind me - of your marvelous perplexity...
& to allow my heart to grow - yet again.
Oh, sweet one... the pregnancies that have gone before you have taken none of the fascination from yours - instead, they have sweetened my yearning, awakened me to this leap of faith that your little life has required, and prepared me for this o-so-important-task of being your mama.
i am most certainly a different mama than the one who delivered little Cairo all those years ago. God had important work to do in me, in daddy & in this family - to prepare us to welcome you.
& darling one, i have no doubt that He has important work to do in you too - to draw you to Himself & to make known His plans - as we sojourn along these dusty paths...
And so, in this third trimester - as you grow & get some chubbins on your little arms and legs, as your lungs get ready to breathe real air & as you prepare to make your grande entrance...
i know...
i can't away with you to a safe place...
i've got work to do too - to prepare my lungs to breathe the *heavenly air* - & i know that there is no shirking.
So, i will prepare my heart too...
& enjoy these waiting days as God continues to shape me into the woman He wants me to be.

4 comments:

Mindy said...

Beautiful. Thank you.

Lesley said...

I can't help thinking as I read your blog tonight, how lucky this baby is. Lx

Jen said...

Oooh, I agree with Lesley - very lucky & blessed babe!
Congrats on 3rd trimester!
Me so excited!!!

jessica jespersen said...

Can't wait to see what little one arrives this time p. Enjoy these last days where you don't have to "share". ;) Love you -j

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