the third trimester

Sometimes, baby...
i feel like awaying with you...
Somewhere dark & warm & safe.
i feel all the outward parts of myself, closing in...
thinking, planning, hoping...
Are mama's, too - in a womb-like state?
Is my perceived weakness - i'm heavy with anticipation, slow & now cumbersome, awkward & quiet...
Are these really my days of preparation?
Am i exercising the required muscles for my journey as your mama?
i found myself today...
dwelling on *you*, little one.
One who will grow up - as a peanut with 6 older brothers and sisters...
i asked God to show me all that is unique & amazing about you.
To help me to *see you* in all the wonder that He created...
To allow me, as your mama, to protect, challenge & nurture you.
i asked Him to faithfully remind me - of your marvelous perplexity...
& to allow my heart to grow - yet again.
Oh, sweet one... the pregnancies that have gone before you have taken none of the fascination from yours - instead, they have sweetened my yearning, awakened me to this leap of faith that your little life has required, and prepared me for this o-so-important-task of being your mama.
i am most certainly a different mama than the one who delivered little Cairo all those years ago. God had important work to do in me, in daddy & in this family - to prepare us to welcome you.
& darling one, i have no doubt that He has important work to do in you too - to draw you to Himself & to make known His plans - as we sojourn along these dusty paths...
And so, in this third trimester - as you grow & get some chubbins on your little arms and legs, as your lungs get ready to breathe real air & as you prepare to make your grande entrance...
i know...
i can't away with you to a safe place...
i've got work to do too - to prepare my lungs to breathe the *heavenly air* - & i know that there is no shirking.
So, i will prepare my heart too...
& enjoy these waiting days as God continues to shape me into the woman He wants me to be.