as is

i was a little annoyed with neil on Wednesday night.
i know.
it's shocking.
it was a little thing (isn't it always?) He had gone to Toronto on a business trip & i was dreading the 2 hours worth of driving i would have to do on Wednesday night to get the littles to & from all their activities. i realized about an hour into it that the gas tank was empty. The light wasn't on yet, but i didn't want to risk being stuck out with Gagey in the cold, so i had to find a few minutes between a drop off & a pick up to get gas. As i stood, shivering in the cold, making googly eyes at my beautiful son sitting in his carseat, my lesser self whined, "Jeepers, why couldn't he have filled up the tank before he left?"
My better self piped up immediately in his defense, "How many times has he ever left on a business trip & left you with an empty tank? Rarely. i'd bet less than a handful of times... "
My lesser self got a little defensive, "Yeh, but that was embarrassing that i had undone my pants while driving & forgot... & then when i got out to fill up the tank, my pants fell down. He should take care of me better... i'm fat & uncomfortable..."
"Tsk tsk," my better self chided... "imagine yourself the husband... with your forgetful mind & your thoughtless personality... would you *ever* fill up the gas tank before leaving on business?"
My lesser self had to shut up, because the point was true. If i were a husband, i would be the most compassionate, empathetic husband ever... but i would be perpetually forgetful & i'm fairly certain that i would not remember to do all the thoughtful little things that Neil constantly does for me. After all, i can't even seem to remember to do up my own pants...
Why is it always so easy to end an argument (that hasn't even begun) by remembering how full of flaws i am? i had a friend once, who breathed a sigh to me, "It just seems that i have so much more original sin than Arnie." :)
i find i can relate.
Grace - given or received - is a beautiful thing.
So, i had to fill up the gas tank. Big fat hairy deal.
i will still take him *as is* - with his greying side burns, & humorous lack of compassion. i will take him with his blackberry glued to his ear & his stilty legs that make it harder to reach for kisses. i will take him when he's silent or chatty - busy or has time - during golf season, or hockey season. i will take him when he buys me dinner - or when he leaves me at home & buys dinner for everyone else.
i will take him gas tank empty or full.
As is.
He's mine.