Wednesday, September 7, 2011


Gratitude changes the *flavour* of grief... we still taste it, but it's sweetness comes out - rather than it's bitterness.
It was a strange week... a struggling sort - a tough kind. 
Finally at night - lying next to my near-sleep husband, i whispered, "Do you think i would still be struggling so hard if it wasn't the first week of September?"
He let out his breath - in a long exhale...
"Why don't you just tell me these things instead of making me wonder why you're so sad?"
& it's because i hardly know them myself... they come upon me like night comes upon day - i'm not even aware of it - till the leaves turn - i see a calendar - i want another baby... or at least to enjoy the dream of another wee one.
& i curl my body up next to his broad back already taking it's deep rhythmic breaths - i trail his hairline with my fingertips and will myself to sleep - while grief and gratitude co-exist in this first week of September  mist.


Jen said...

I liked this.
I'm thankful gratitude is over taking grief most days...but I'm thankful for the grief too.

mamazee said...

i didn't understand the gratitude at first (when you said to me you were grateful for the few weeks...) - but i see now...

Sara L said...

February is when I feel it... My miscarriages have definately made me cling tighter to the little ones I have. I recently read the biography of Susanna Wesley (totally worth reading) and was amazed that she had 19 (!!) children, and lost 8 of them, either after birth or when they were young. Some very tragic losses. It hit me how she either would have gone crazy because of those losses, or thrown herself into the arms of the Lord... which she did. She was also a homeschooler!

paige said...

it is amazing what our Father can bring us through - and teach us - by His strength, not ours.


Related Posts with Thumbnails