Thursday, March 31, 2011

bringing the children - 5

i hadn't brought them yet... But then - in a twist of circumstances like one of the many twists circumstances are bound to take, i found that i was going to the clinic on my own & decided on a whim to bring them to play at the adjacent park.
We did as much homeschool as we could in those first fresh hours of the day - & then threw food into a paper bag - granola bars, crackers, cheese, fruit, veggies - even a bag of cheesies & a couple of bottles of water.
As we trooped out to the Silver Fox, i felt my heart quicken.
i don't love driving in the city - & i enjoy driving even less when my van is FULL with my boisterous crew, "But," i told myself while deep breathing down the Deerfoot, "this is worth it..."
We pulled up & walked across to the little park that is still half covered in snow.
My little ones ran off to play and i went to the sidewalk's corner at the border of the bubble zone to pray. As i shoved my hands in my pockets, i was suddenly undone... overcome with *loneliness*.
"Father God - i don't want to stand here all by myself..." i blurted out in tears.
But did i need Him to join me?
Or was it i that was joining Him - already there - present, caring and watching His loved ones in confusion, walking into a building that counsels death?
Within moments, two women joined me - a mother and daughter - and before pulling out their rosaries to pray - they encouraged me with beautiful rolling Indian accents - that the time spent here, in prayer, is worthwhile.
They prayed almost an hour with me - during part of which, our numbers reached capacity at 4 as another woman walked up and down the sidewalk.
Suddenly, i noticed a mother and young daughter walking on the other side of the road. i thought surely they were here to pray, and i wanted to call out to them that they were on the wrong side of the road and that we needed to abide by the court injunction and stay outside of the bubble zone. They walked back and forth in front of the clinic - before finally entering that parking lot - and the door opened... and closed.
Soon, my friends had to go and i found myself alone on our side of the street. My time had elapsed, but i didn't want to go. i hated to leave that little corner of the sidewalk empty - and i prayed for another to come take my place.
But littles were tired - pants were grubby and shoes filled with damp. Baby was aching for his nap... and i knew my time was up. As i got ready to go, a man tried to catch my attention from his vehicle as he drove past. As we made eye contact - he waved his finger around his ear and mouthed, "You're crazy..."
& sometimes... those are the last voices you hear as you leave the corner under the watchful eyes of a Holy God who never slumbers or sleeps.


Jen said...

You are crazy.
Crazy about God, the little lives that aren't given a chance, and those hurting moms/families.
There needs to be more crazy people like you.
You are such a blessing and an encouragement to so many P.

Rachel Amariah said...

Hey Paige,
I just read your last two posts. Fawne also told me a bit about this place. Thank-you for sharing -and for giving of yourself(not an easy thing!!),for caring enough to stand on the sidewalk and pray. I received a letter today from a dear friend of mine who works at a crisis pregnancy centre and the stories she shared were on my mind as I read your posts too. I'm praying with you...

Lesley said...

Jen stole my comment.
You are crazy. Good crazy.
Those people who throw stones (metaphorically speaking) are just jealous of your closeness with God. I think it comes from their desire to have what you, determination and courage. People are usually like that.

Lori-Dawn said...

Read Dr. Suess's book Horton Hears a Who...maybe that will help you feel more normal...although I have to agree with Jen and are crazy in love with Yahweh, and you've got a heart that loves what He loves and hates what He hates. Your life is an overflow of the love He has on His creation, seen and unseen. This is what I love about you! Hugs! You are an encouragement to many!


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