& it's ok - to go tired.
it's ok - to run out of words.
it's ok - to feel just the littlest bit... empty.
As i pulled onto 5th Ave, i clipped the side mirror of the silver fox with a big red truck parked on the road.
No wonder i hate driving.
Muttering at my own stupidity under my breath, i did what i had to do - & then tried to get my heart to slow down to a mere gallop so that i could pray.
But God? He's not all about composure & perfection. i've known that for awhile now. He's teaching me new things every hour that i vigil outside this clinic and meet with Him so far outside of my comfort zone. My audible prayers must be a sweet sacrifice for Him as my timidity makes my eyes burn & tear.
My friend talks to me, then talks to God - then back to me - like He's standing on the street corner with us. Her act of faith comforts me.
A woman who has walked by me more than once on the days i have stood on the street corner asks me, "So what's the attraction to this spot?"
i explain our purpose, and as she smiles and walks away - i wonder at His purposes.
Today, i felt discouraged - i want someone who cares to listen to me. i didn't realize that my discouragement was just thinly veiled pride... i didn't want to be alone - and lonely. i wanted that sidewalk and park to be filled with believers - who were united in purpose.
i forget sometimes that it's not my job to make my faith palatable to anyone else... it's my job to obediently follow where He leads.
It's no wonder the Bible tells us to fix our eyes on Jesus (Hebrews 12) 'cause there's an intimacy in that relationship that makes discouragement impossible.
Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, 2 fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. 3 Consider him who endured such opposition from sinners, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart. hebrews 12:1-3