Tuesday, April 27, 2010


i was accompanying Cai's fiddle jam -
Yeh, i had a billion excuses to *not* do it...
i have a tiny squishy baby, a broken kneecap and i didn't have music.
i wanted to do it.
i'll tell you a secret.
These past weeks that i have been working on the homeschooling side of mamahood - i have been secretly gazing with longing at my ebony friend. My piano invites me to come play. Sometimes i push all my work aside & sit on the bench & play & sing... for a minute or two - seems rarely a full song even - & then i sigh & stand up & get on with my day.
& as i was talking to God one day, i told Him a secret....
"Father? i wish i *had* to make music... i wish sometimes that it was my JOB to play and sing. i wish that it wasn't something that i found time for when i could - but instead, i wish it was something on my "to do" list that couldn't be pushed aside for more "important" jobs."
& He heard me...
"Here." He said.
i should have been more specific about style and genre :) but beggars can't be choosers, so i said yes to the fiddle jam last Sunday - and yes to accompanying Cairo for her classical piece at her violin recital that's coming up in June.
Neil drove us there & dropped me, cai, sloanie and ephraim at the college & took the rest of the small fry (plus 2 friends) to the park. (Have i mentioned that 12 passenger vans rock??)
i was so nervous for Sloanie, babysitting my tiny fresh bun. i was going to be right there, but i was anxious about him needing me while my arms were occupied.
i made Neil buy him a soother.
Just in case.
& right before the jam started, i sat in the hallway & gave him a snack - hoping it would hold him over till we were done. It's a crowded little hallway - with metal lockers - & i can't bend my leg, so i took up too much space. i was trying to crouch in the corner & i had him all covered up with just his tiny baby legs kicking into view.
A father and son walked around the corner & without skipping a beat, the dad remarked jovially to his teenage son, "Hey son, does that bring back memories of being breastfed when you were a baby?" & they just kept walking.
& i loved it.
One person's ease with my little person's nourishing lunch acknowledged that what i was doing was perfectly ordinary. There was no flustered awkwardness that he had walked in on something shameful or embarrassing... just a cheerful recognition of a sweet little part of life.
Ephraim finished off his snack, made a powerful burp - & proceeded to be the angel baby that he always is for the entire 2 hour jam.
i rocked out to tunes like Bonaparte's Retreat, Ashokan Farewell and Tam Lyn.
& we both left that college a little bit...


Anonymous said...

I hear ya:), and am happy for you. That's great, Paige.


mamalena said...

I'm glad.... mama

momofmany said...

What a beautiful family you have Paige! Kids rock!!!

I saw that we have some similar interests and I just wanted to take the time to introduce myself and say Hi! My little one is crying now so I have to make this short. I do hope you will come and visit my blog as well sometime.

Take Care,



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