Awhile ago, i posted this post with the words for a song i wrote during Gagey's pregnancy.
This week, as i was sifting through music to sing at church - i found my little scrap of loose leaf paper with my words scrawled across it & chords crossed out, rearranged & changed. Green & black ink combined as the song took form over a couple of days - the finished product looking like something belonging in the garbage can.
i pulled it out of my folder.
& began to play the intro.
Suddenly, behind me, a little diaper clad boy began to dance.
His tiny arms flung to the sky - his voice gently coaxing out melodies & vowels as he danced.
Gagey's pregnancy was a time where i had to hide my face in the folds of my Father's lap.
My last pregnancy had ended in a heartbreaking miscarriage - & as i neared the end of this pregnancy, my friend -who was my company as we waited for our babies arrivals - our due dates within days of each other - lost her beautiful son.
"and i know that they're in your hand - "
i sang a song of surrender - while wanting to clutch my unborn child to me... Wanting to reach across eternity and return my friend's son to her empty, aching arms. Wanting to wash the sorrow i saw born in her eyes with the birth of her precious firstborn - and replace it with the pride of new motherhood.
"& i know i am safe in your hand -"
He met me in my fear and ministered to my broken heart -
My voice seemed to catch in my throat - my son - my love - my treasure - reminding me that the gift of his little life - of his little voice, of his dancing legs... is from my loving Father - who also measures out heartbreak and loss and sorrow.
One day... one day... all will be made right.
Sounds so simplistic, doesn't it?
But, it's true.
He is trustworthy - & so while i wait - i'll sing Zion's song - Heaven's song - & cling to all that i know to be true about the One i love.