Thursday, September 10, 2009

& then there are the tough days...

Tuesday was one of them...
i had a million things going through my mind as soon as i woke in the morning: my crab-walking, sleep talking, gets himself naked, freaking out in the night son - (Does he need to see a sleep specialist? What is going on in that little brain of his???), my *almost* 13 year old daughter who was going to take her very first flight - far from home, my other daughters first violin lessons, a dusty house from basement renos, a 5 year old who was very nervous about the bus since it showed up early on Friday - & it made her scared that she beat us to the stop & had now lost her faith in her mama.
i almost knew that day would be full of: tears, emotions, overwhelmed, failure, sad, worry, hormones, cold, unable...
i noticed in the morning, but i refused to do anything about the fact that i had a large grease stain on the belly of my shirt. Was this the first sign that i was already beat? One child's lessons caused a tearful outburst. She was still crying in her room when Cairo left for the airport. My husband phoned at 1pm & asked what was for lunch & i realised i still had my poor crew held prisoner at the kitchen table... and lunch hadn't occurred to me. When the phone rang, & i saw that it was Elmer - i cried out to the kids, "Please, don't answer it this time!"
i forgot to start the laundry.
i really, really cannot afford to ever, even once forget to start the laundry...
i showed up at their violin lessons without books or my cheques for the year, and worried that Sloanie looked so anxious that she might make herself sick...
These were just some of the moments that made up that day...
So, there you have it... in all it's disjointed glory... the ugly underbelly.
The truth is...
On Tuesday - i was unable... & when i sat to hide my head in the sand & write in my little pink journal, the only words i could manage to pen were, "i need you, Jesus."
He saw me in my little pot bellied state...
With my greasy shirt,
and my frustrated offspring.
He heard me when i put my face in my hands & moaned, "i'm the worst mom ever."
i know He had compassion on me.
& just knowing that He was there, for me...
was enough.
Jesus, you are enough.
i am...
Sustained.

6 comments:

Anonymous said...

You aren't the only one who has days like that... lately I'm feeling more "on top of things" but it isn't easy to have things run like a well oiled machine! Last year I was terrible at getting Alisdair's lunch ready before school and was always dropping it off at noon. So far this year, I haven't had to do that, and knowing it is organized, feels so good! Your kids will forgive you for your "preggo brain" or whatever you want to call it and, as you say, God will help you to be "able."
Hope today is a better day!
Saskatchewan Cousin

Treasured Grace said...

Awww what a day! But remember its only a day! This is not the norm for you. And know that its ok to have a day like this. It happens to each and every one of us.
Rest in your Father's arms today...don't strive to "do" or "be" anything today. He will do it!
Blessings for a better day today:)

mamazee said...

I think sometimes i look at all the little things and get frustrated, but if i look up up up at the big things, all i can see is His hands, around me and my heart, and all that i love. We are so blessed...

On another note - how was Sloanie's lesson? I'm considering putting *just* Haven in with a strict German lady here in town who's got good results... Not sure. She's begging not to, but it is not something that comes naturally to me (to teach music) - i started her on trills and vibrato this year... trying to be sweet and go slow...

Sherilyn said...

I am so glad I'm not the only one whose child runs screaming from lessons! Huge fit this morning....you're not alone!!

Prvbs31Mama said...

awww...I think tuesday was my emotional rough day too...sigh.
Even on your worst days you are an amazing mom, don't ever doubt that!
Where did Cairo head off to??

Mindy said...

I appreciated this post so much. I've been feeling like this a lot lately - I don't seem to have a handle on anything. Thank you for the reminder that He *is* enough.

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