Tuesday, September 22, 2009

Tender Mama?

i feel sort of like if someone were to come up to me & give me a hug... i might just cry.
or if someone were to give me a big smile & say something nice... or not so nice... the tears would just come.
There's something beautiful that comes in the fragility of the emotional pregnant state...
& yet - it's uncomfortable as the mama - to know that at any moment, you could just dissolve into tears.
At church, there was a teeny tender cherub snuggling in her mama's arms. Her eyes were already pink from crying - which just added to her charm - & i couldn't help but touch her sweet little cheek & try to softly bribe a smile from her... All she could do was hold up her tiny hand to ward me off & snuggle her face deeper into her mama's neck to let me know that my advances were not welcome.
In light of my mama's absence, i will choose to take my cues from that little pink thing - not yet two years old, and in the moments of weakness & inability to be a normal, functioning, social being - i will hold up my hand in surrender & snuggle my face deeper into my Father's neck & allow the comfort of His arms provide the solace that i so desperately crave.
Isn't God Good? He doesn't berate me for my irrational, hormonal state - He created me to be just so... Maybe my weakness allows me to be more easily used. Maybe my easy tears allow for *communion* with my Saviour.
Maybe as i've aged, i've learned to let the back of my throat show when i laugh & let my tears show when i cry.
& that's ok.


Mindy said...

I've felt for a few years now that those times when I am the most vulnerable, hormonal, and emotional...they lead me to share on a deeper level than I normally allow myself to do. What a beautiful perspective you have.

mamazee said...

Paige - did you get the latest copy of Above Rubies? there was an article in there by Evangeline - about tears and their spiritual power :) - ... i'll try to remember to bring it at thanksgiving. but i know exactly what you mean. The first time i was pregnant, i felt so *aware* for the first time - i thought surely this child will be a prophet, because i am feeling and knowing things i never realized before now... so vulnerable, but something deep and beautiful in it, too...

Courtney said...

Hey... Love you.... And love your words to describe the little "cherub".... I went through my stuff at my parents and I found a phrase I had heard once and written in my journal... "I've broken your heart, that I may heal you deep within.". Ithe thought that God can use pain to heal us deeper than we know imaginable is amazing. To know he is there waiting for a snuggle in tears is brings peace to my soul... I wish I could give you a hug today :)


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