Tuesday, January 4, 2011

to keep on...

i often feel like whatever i'm doing isn't enough - isn't adequate - just won't *do*...
Since school started in the fall, we have been persevering with our little routine -& part of that routine is reading a chapter from the Bible every morning. When we finish one book, we have just moved on to another - sometimes from the pastor's sermon series - sometimes just on a whim...
& it's not a lot - a tiny little chapter. Sometimes hurriedly read over the din - sometimes torn apart and discussed in detail... And yesterday morning, it felt like it just wasn't enough. i longed for some time to take in great big draughts of it - in big gulps - rather than in tiny sips.
Not enough.
i felt like my efforts were too little to be impactful.
Not only did i desperately want my little ones to see Jesus... but *i* wanted to see Him too... and i felt a little bit defeated.
But i sense that my reflex to despair isn't from my Father.
When i lift my chin - i look back on all those months since the end of August; and all those years since we started teaching our little ones. i see the books of the Bible piling up - as the habit of our morning meeting becomes more firmly ingrained. We're building on the habits from years gone by too- of pulling out God's word and reading it - taking the time to tuck it carefully in our hearts. Our time of training isn't limited to what is accomplished in a day - or a week - or even a year. The tiny grains of truth will pile up on each other and over time. The habit bringing in each fruitful sip - will yield more than the seasons where we will get the chance to take in big gulps of truth.
& so take my habits, Father - help me form the purposefully so that over time each tiny thread will tie us closer to You.

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