My heart on my sleeve

i hate putting myself out there.
i'm not much of a self promoter...
i think that's the reason behind one of my biggest regrets about getting pregnant before i was married... because then i had already put my love on display & there was always this niggling feeling wondering what it would have felt like to have Neil propose without wondering if he felt like he *had* to.
i think Neil was pretty tender to that - & he did an awesome job proposing :) & defending his love for me - especially in those first months when everyone was so shocked & people say silly things. i had told him (because we had no money) that i didn't need a ring - that his proposal was enough... but he scrounged up every penny he could & bought me my ring because he wanted me to *know* that i wasn't pushing him into anything...
... i still felt that way.
Anyway... i was just thinking lately about how much i dislike that feeling - of wearing my heart on my sleeve...
Not with Neil anymore 'cause, hey, we've been married for a long time now & everyone knows what a mad fool, in love, crazy, head over heels woman i am.

But with other things.... at other times...

that feeling...

is... uncomfortable.