birthday joys...

My sweet little 1 decade old girl is afraid of change.
She was the most uncertain out of our crew when we've moved, had a new baby, changed vehicles, rooms, friends. She loves fiercely - & cares deeply if anyone feels left out or hurt. She sacrifices for peace - and is the first to step up and accept blame.
She's my "middly" girl.
Sometimes she comes to find me - when i'm hiding in my room, nursing a little one in the only quiet place in the house. Lately - she cries while she pours out her darling soft little heart - & nothing gives me more pleasure than talking through the big stuff in her life - affirming my love for her & the Love of the One who loves her even more than i'm able.
It's not love she's uncertain of though... it's change.
She told me that when she found out Ephraim was coming, she worried for Gagey - would he feel left out? Would he need his momma & not get the attention he required? Would our family change too much with the addition of a new baby?
She told me that she worried that her friends would move away - & she would have to find new ones.
She told me that she had spent the whole year getting used to being 9 - & that now that she was finally comfortable with 9... suddenly it was time to turn 10.
It seems familiar to me in a way.
Time is so beautiful & heartless.
She's relentless yet healing.
She's merciful and merciless.
We don't get to measure her out - she has been measured out for us.
& so i encouraged my sweet little birthday joy - to trust The One who was bringing change. To revel in the beauty that change brings - to be grateful for the things that bring us comfort just by staying the same - to live life deeply, richly & fully -
in the double digits.
She smiled at me - her little red rimmed eyes dancing -
"i like these talks..."
Maybe they make her feel more grown up...
Changes - they're a comin'.