Tuesday, March 31, 2009

On Bein' a Mama

i mentioned in my last post about G having the flu while we were gone.
One day, he just refused all foods. i thought he was maybe acting funny because we were in a new place and daddy was gone - but that night, he started throwing up.
The only thing he would take in was my milk... not even a sip of water.
Over the next couple of days, my milk supply - which isn't huge at this point, over a year in - built quickly back up as he was up several times in the night to nurse & it was the only thing he would take in in the day.
i noticed how quickly his little face seemed to slim down the little rolls on his legs seemed a little smaller to me. He's a really chunky guy (he was over 27lbs when i weighed him at 1year) so, he's not skinny by any stretch of the imagination - but my mama heart went out to my little one who, usually so content, writhed in my arms - inconsolable - at night.
And so, as most mama's know - my heart worked on my body - and emotions ganged up with hormones, worry with need - and soon all i had to do was look at my darling boy & my milk would let down with a bang, soaking my shirt. In my desire and need to *do something* - my body *did* what it could - whether it was needed or not.
It's a funny story - but it's where my sister has been living for the past month - & it's not funny anymore.
Sadie, Jessie's sweet 27lb 3 year old darling - has been drinking over 6 litres of water a day - and peeing out the equivalent. It has been decided by the medical professionals, that this is not an emergency & they'll see her in a week.
It's amazing how i feel like i can relate to Jessie's craving for action - her need to "do" for her little girl... Her heart working on her body - emotions ganging up with hormones, worry with need - she's getting raging headaches, and her body hurts.
i remember when i had my first, someone commenting to me that motherhood was like, 'letting your heart walk around outside your body' - & it's true.
Your mama bear instinct is so strong - you would fight to the death - or lay down & die for your little ones - & yet so much is out of your hands.
God - turn our eyes to You -
Our little ones are in your capable hands -
Give us the peace that passes all understanding
'Cause You are trustworthy.

"As a mother, my job is to take care of what is possible and trust God with the impossible."
-Ruth Bell Graham

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Oh, please have someone see Sadie now no matter what those docs said. That's not normal!


Related Posts with Thumbnails