a new journal

i've kept a journal since i was in grade 3.
By the time i got married, i had stacks of them. Some were crappy coil bound notebooks, some were pretty hard cover ones with the silky bookmarks...
i felt like at that time in my life, i was starting fresh, so i burned them all & only kept the one i was working on at that moment - it was orange with 2 huge butterflies on the cover & it covered my pregnancy with Cai & my wedding... plus it wasn't done yet... so it was spared.
Since then, i've finished about 5 more - the most recent one being my cute little orange '70's Design Anika Leppkes journal.
i've had it's replacement for almost a year already. Neil & co. bought me one for mothers day last year & it's been sitting, waiting for me to be finished with it's predecessor so it's white empty pages could be filled too.
Today, i cracked the cover - trying to get over my trust issues with this unfamiliar book... & flipped through the pages... right to the end... & wondered what words would fill those lines.
My old journal has broken binding, lists of the dates Neil was gone for a few months when i felt like keeping track, a countdown chart with each day crossed off leading up to Gage's birth, lists of possible baby names - circled or crossed out, entries that are sad, hopeful, grateful, happy, funny, blue, or mooshy & lovey dovey...
It's my favourite journal to date...
It's kind of sad to close it - & put it on the shelf...
& trust that my Father knows where He's leading as i begin this next journal...
It's pink.
With the word 'inspire' inscribed on the front.
i doodled our names all over the inside of the front cover...
& started some lists in the back...
i read where my family had each written something to me when they gave it to me last year... Charter's made me smile, "to the best mom i ever had, love Charter"
& then i wrote the date at the top of the first page.
& started.