Sure of what i hope for

Reading out loud to my children is probably one of my favourite parts of homeschooling. i don't know how much longer i will be able to keep everyone involved in this tradition of sprawling teens, middlies tiny bums finding seats to share, tiny ones finding laps & then toddling off to the next set of willing arms while mama reads aloud in the morning, but i guess i hope it lasts forever...
Right now, i'm reading them a biography of George Muller (the one who opened all those orphanages in Great Britain in the mid to late 1800's) & his story is totally one of faith.
(For those of you interested, it's a part of a series on Christian Heroes: Then & Now - by Janet & Geoff Benge)
i can't seem to get it off my mind. i sent an email to a friend trying to unwrap some of the ideas that kept coming back to me & i wanna peek at it a bit again.
The part we read the other day was when he wasn't sure if he was supposed to continue on in his ministry, so he asked God to send him twenty pounds if He was going the right direction. He told God he would use it for bibles for the poor if God sent it.
Sure enough later that day, a lady showed up with a sealed envelope & gave it to him, no strings attached. He followed her out the door though & asked, "if YOU could choose, what would you want me to spend this money on?" Finally, when pressed, she said it might be nice if he bought bibles for the poor. He thanked her & walked in the house & told his wife that he believed there would be twenty pounds in the envelope - & there was.
i was thinking about this the other day. The story of God coming through for him *moves me* - BUT - if he didn't ask God for that sign... God still had His hand on the ministry. The sign was because *George Muller* wanted confirmation - not because his prayer for a sign changed what God was *already planning to do*...
i think part of me is tempted to pray, "if / then" prayers... because i see the powerful testimony of faith filled believers who got to see God come through for them... but i wonder if He wants me to be faith filled - without the signs?
& tiny ones watch mama's tears spill on the page - as we read about the man who understood that 'the least of these' - were exactly the ones who God was interested in; the man whose faith God chose to stretch, and grow - time, and painful time again.
Oh, God, give me confidence in what i hope for... and assurance about what i do not see...