My oldest is gearing up for highschool next year.
With that, come decisions about, 'how are we gonna do this? What are we aiming for? Do we have a direction to prepare for?'
She wants to be a midwife when she grows up... & while i'm quite aware that 14 year olds are notorious for changing their minds & swinging wildly between fantastical 'i wanna be's'...
i have this niggling feeling - this wondering - if perhaps she might really -
wanna be a midwife -when the time comes.
i decided i need to start doing my homework.
i have, after all, an 'i wanna be a...' of my own.
*i* wanna be a momma that facilitates the dream makings of her children. i wanna whisper she can... when others might say she can't. i wanna help her with money, with coaching, with the footwork... i wanna be the kind of momma who trusts our Father - and works behind the scenes, "makin' it happen"...
Her meandering dreams take us to a midwifery program in the Philippines... to thoughts about getting her certfication in Rwanda...
& i wonder...
if it's safe...
For my sweet baby girl over across the ocean - so far from her daddy and me.
But if God wants her there - He'll lead... & if He wants her there - i don't want her here... After all - the very safest place for her to be - is in the center of His will. & no - i'm not talking physical safety here.
So - this is on my mind. i have been hesitant to post it here 'cause i don't want her to feel like she is pigeon holed by her present dreamings, but then i thought, why not record some of the stomach churning questions that have come about in these years with all my little ones still tucked securely in our nest?
& so there it is.
Right now - around the dinner table we hear, i wanna be:
the owner of the Mac's store,
a police officer,
a karate master,
a ballet dancer...
& me? i have dreams too... & part of my dreams are to revel in watching my children fulfil theirs.