i walked into my room last night & Neil was lying in bed.
Gagey was lying on top of him with his legs tucked under his body & his tiny bum in the air.
"Why are you two bff's?" i asked.
"Why shouldn't we be?" Neil countered, tickling the platinum hairs at the back of Gage's head.
Oh, i dunno - maybe it's the way he'll come really close - like nose to nose with Ephraim & then say, "You smell funny." Even when he doesn't.
Or the way he greets them in the morning, "Thanks for the TERRIBLE sleep last night."
But eventually, with each tiny baby we have added to our family...
something slowly happens to my husband....
& maybe it's 'cause Gagey's all potty trained - & can speak clearly enough to be understood...
Maybe it's some kind of physiological addiction from Gagey sneaking in & snuggling with Neil in the night, dampening his pillow with little boy sweat & breathing his baby breath in his daddy's face.
Maybe the advantage that i have as a mother in growing a tiny one inside expires - after the initial neediness of those first dozens of months... - & at that point... our little ones suddenly belong to him.
Me? i'm in love from the word 'go'... i'm crying & imagining from the moment i see a faint pink line on a pregnancy test...
Him? He's slower - his love is plodding & steady & strong.
& so i greedily hog all the baby time i can. The time that is mine - when they need me in the night, or wordlessly babble as they reach & grasp for my fingers & dangling hair. i relish the diaper changes & the hours carefully lulling a little one to dream land.
& it's ok - that he doesn't change diapers - or rouse in the night. Because his love is still there...
Yes - he loves the little babies... but his daddy's heart is awakened to new levels - in toddlerhood & beyond.
& i know this because i can see with my own eyes -
when they start to grow on him.