Wednesday, January 4, 2006

This is an email i sent to Melody Green at Last Days Ministries... it includes my testimony and i think it's relevant to how i got to where i am... p

i don't know if Melody Green ever gets emails at this address, but i wanted to write one.
i read your book "no compromise" for the first time in high school. i was born in 1976 and my parents always listened to Keith Green while i was growing up. Our family was one of those "musical" families and i sang in a trio with my two sisters all the time we were growing up. When i graduated high school, i went to a music college and took a two year program there. During my second year, i got pregnant with my oldest daughter. It was such a hard time. i decided to just bear my soul to my Saviour, accept His gracious forgiveness and go where He led. My husband and i were married 5 months before Cairo was born. We were 18 and 19 years old. Cairo was the biggest blessing you can imagine on our young lives. My husband found work 20 hours away from our extended family and we moved to a small town where i knew no one and we *really* became a family. Shortly after Cairo was born, we found out we were pregnant again. We were ecstatic. Four months into the pregnancy, we found out that there was no heart beat. The doctor's induced labour and i delivered my tiny son. i was devastated. At this time, so many people kept telling me "this is in God's hands, Paige..." and i wrote an arrangement of the song "i surrender all" and i included a last verse:

All to Jesus, i surrender,
Lord i give my child to Thee
Safely in your arms i lay him
Let your healing fall on me.

As my husband and i grappled with our loss, we found out that i was pregnant again. At this time in my marriage a new thought came to me. i had been able to trust God in my loss, but was i willing to trust God with the blessings He was giving us? i started to ask questions of just about anyone who would listen. Was birth control alright? After the birth of our third daughter, my husband wanted to be done... i just didn't feel peace. Our fourth child was a little boy, and our fifth another sweet little lady. While i was pregnant with her, my sweet husband put his foot down and said "no more". i grieved my loss and i believe God revealed to me that to give up, even our legitimate expectations on each other is good. i had prayed, and Neil had not changed. i could take what came from God.
i wanted to tell you a bit of my testimony so you could understand where my totally human, imperfect heart is coming from. i just read your book again last week. i had been talking with my dad one day and i told him that your book had been one of the biggest influences on my teen years. It was just as good as the last time i read it. i felt as challenged. For some reason i wanted to send you a letter that i am preparing to send out to the pastors in my area. You have such a huge sphere of influence, and i just wanted to write you on the off chance that this was something you might feel led to shine a spotlight on.
i want you to know, too, that even though my husband has said "no more" to me, he has given me his blessing to go on writing letters and speaking out on this issue so close to my heart. May God bless you as you speak out against abortion.
Much love,

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