We're one week into the 40 Day vigil at the abortion clinic & wow... do these times (the 40 day vigils) ever change me so completely.
i'm a horrible "pray-er"... & yet - God just won't let me be. He's relentless in calling me to prayer. So i keep trying... & i'm learning... & it has been months now - of learning, growing... but mostly just... praying. & it's long and laborious. Sometimes i feel like i'm talking to myself. Sometimes i'm just saying words... Sometimes i recite prayers - or read them off of a paper, trying to meditate on them. Sometimes i sing praises & worship - or just freestyle it - as my catholic friends like to say. Sometimes He speaks - & i think i'm getting better at hearing His voice. Even his rebuke is a welcome thing. i've told my so many of my friends about the day that He gave me a swift, sudden, unexpected rebuke that made me cry (but it also made me want to shout for JOY because it was so obviously HIM...) & sometimes He has spoken only one word... leaving me sorrowing, but clinging to the Truth that that one word allowed me to claim. i'm learning to pray when i don't feel like it - and i'm also learning to take advantages of the moments when i do. This prayer thing... it's changing me.
He's claiming me... & i feel myself, "His".