i don't think i have ever in my life experienced the kind of high i had the day Gagey was born. i had struggled with anxiety in his pregnancy (more than any other) - & as i held him in my arms, i felt like i could explode with gratitude.
Cai remembers how i wouldn't let anyone else hold him... My face felt like it would crack from delirious cackling joy... & i wrapped & re-wrapped this tiny bundle who felt like a luxurious, extravagant gift. i counted fingers and toes... i gently pulled down his expressive lips, and looked and his pink toothless gums.
God has never allowed me to forget that joy. Still, 4 years later some nights as sleep is coming on, i tap Neil's shoulder & tearfully whisper, "thank you" for relenting and allowing those bonus boys who might never have been.
& i grin as i think of the boy my Father created for me to mother... His gentle smile, his soft heart and enormous belly laugh.
& my gratitude heaves and crashes on the shore...
Happy 4th birthday, sunshine boy.