Monday, February 6, 2012

joy's birthday

i don't think i have ever in my life experienced the kind of high i had the day Gagey was born.  i had struggled with anxiety in his pregnancy (more than any other) - & as i held him in my arms, i felt like i could explode with gratitude. 
Cai remembers how i wouldn't let anyone else hold him... My face felt like it would crack from delirious cackling joy... & i wrapped & re-wrapped this tiny bundle who felt like a luxurious, extravagant gift.  i counted fingers and toes... i gently pulled down his expressive lips, and looked and his pink toothless gums. 
God has never allowed me to forget that joy.  Still, 4 years later some nights as sleep is coming on, i tap Neil's shoulder & tearfully whisper, "thank you" for relenting and allowing those bonus boys who might never have been. 
& i grin as i think of the boy my Father created for me to mother... His gentle smile, his soft heart and enormous belly laugh. 

& my gratitude heaves and crashes on the shore...

bonus boys sleeping beside our bed

Happy 4th birthday, sunshine boy.


Jen said...

I can still picture that picture of you holding him GRINNING ear from ear lying in your (hospital?) bed. My favorite :)
Happy Birthday little man!!
(PS. Can't believe you didn't post a picture of him in this post! ;)

paige said...

j, just added one for you :) i'll try to take one of him awake & solo today. He's such a shy guy - most of my pictures are of the cheesy, camera hungry little brother!


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