on losing your island

i often think in pictures rather than words. 
With the loss of my intact extended family this year, a picture keeps coming back to me... it's like being in the middle of the ocean - in turbulent seas... & suddenly, i've lost my island.  All along, i had this little land mass - a place where i could come up out of the deep, grab my breath & regain my sense of direction.  It wasn't a big chunk of land - i was familiar with every square inch of that small stable place, but now it's gone... Maybe sunk beneath the roaring surf, maybe crumbled by the pounding waves, maybe i drifted too far & now it's out of sight & impossible to reach ever again. 

i lost my island. 

And i'm not even saying that in a heart broken way - though my heart is broken.  i'm just stating it in a matter of fact sorta, 'what're you gonna do now?' way...
So, doggy paddling since my island went under, i have been thinking about this new reality, recognizing loss.  i lost something that was pretty cool too... something i was pretty lucky to have for a lot of years.  Yeh, it wasn't a perfect island - it had it's inclement weather patterns & it's rocky shores... but i was still blessed by that little island.  And the loss of that island has created some sadness & pain. 
It takes more endurance to press on when you don't have that little oasis to fall back on, doesn't it? i'm gonna get stronger because i have to.  i'm gonna rely on God more because He never fails.  i'm gonna press on because He's all that i want.

At my girls' violin recital the other night, my eyes were drawn - as they often are in these days - to the parents of the flamboyant girl who always arrive separately.  Their separateness is more obvious to me than others in their same situation... maybe it's more recent, more painful... & maybe it's rude of me to even notice it, but i do.  She's the spitting image of each of them combined on one radiant face.

She lost her island too...
& she seems ok... full of life and hope. 

And maybe one day i'll be ok too.