i often think in pictures rather than words.
With the loss of my intact extended family this year, a picture keeps coming back to me... it's like being in the middle of the ocean - in turbulent seas... & suddenly, i've lost my island. All along, i had this little land mass - a place where i could come up out of the deep, grab my breath & regain my sense of direction. It wasn't a big chunk of land - i was familiar with every square inch of that small stable place, but now it's gone... Maybe sunk beneath the roaring surf, maybe crumbled by the pounding waves, maybe i drifted too far & now it's out of sight & impossible to reach ever again.
i lost my island.
And i'm not even saying that in a heart broken way - though my heart is broken. i'm just stating it in a matter of fact sorta, 'what're you gonna do now?' way...
So, doggy paddling since my island went under, i have been thinking about this new reality, recognizing loss. i lost something that was pretty cool too... something i was pretty lucky to have for a lot of years. Yeh, it wasn't a perfect island - it had it's inclement weather patterns & it's rocky shores... but i was still blessed by that little island. And the loss of that island has created some sadness & pain.
It takes more endurance to press on when you don't have that little oasis to fall back on, doesn't it? i'm gonna get stronger because i have to. i'm gonna rely on God more because He never fails. i'm gonna press on because He's all that i want.
At my girls' violin recital the other night, my eyes were drawn - as they often are in these days - to the parents of the flamboyant girl who always arrive separately. Their separateness is more obvious to me than others in their same situation... maybe it's more recent, more painful... & maybe it's rude of me to even notice it, but i do. She's the spitting image of each of them combined on one radiant face.
She lost her island too...
& she seems ok... full of life and hope.
And maybe one day i'll be ok too.