Tuesday, December 27, 2011

that christmas

Hey little ones...
Dad & i were talking in the van on the way home from Auntie's the other day about some of our favourite years.  One of mine was the year Gagey was born.  That's why i call him sunshine boy.  It felt like for some reason - life breathed warm breaths, no clouds restricted the sun's access in my life & the year as a whole brought good things... Daddy's was the year he went from production manager to mill manager.  He said he felt like, "the man", his efforts were all fruitful and his talents were recognized.  We've sure had a lot of good years, your daddy & i.     
i gotta tell you though, little ones, there will be seasons of sorrow in this life too. 
This summer... i felt the season coming on... like a sailor will notice signs in the sky.  A streak of darkness, a sinister snap of thunder... the storm clouds began to move in. 
& my Father provided for that time. 
He brought me to a new place of prayer.  One that i had never been to before - & one i never plan to leave. 
& the rain began - just as He put that covering over me... and my parents filed for divorce, my niece began chemo, and the things i thought were strongest proved weak. 
& that's what brought us to experience, "that Christmas" this year.  The one in the midst of the storm.  The one where Sadie had to go to emergency with a fever.  The one with only half of us there. 
& your feisty auntie sent me a text before we arrived & i smiled as i read something to the effect of, "i want to weep on your ample bosom". 
i told her she's welcome to whatever i've got.

She's funny & sometimes she can make you laugh till you cry...
& other times you cry till you just have to laugh too. 
It was that christmas for us this year.
The one that just had too many strikes against it to be normal.
But, it was also the one that brought us together with giddy joyful little ones who squealed and stayed up too late & made every effort worthwhile.  It was the Christmas Ephraim wasn't quite 2, and he loved baby Eva & they ran into each other's arms after her nap.  It was the Christmas that we ran out of chocolate, the Christmas of the Operatic Turkey Play and the Elevator Fart.  It was the Christmas we got those blinking reindeer noses, the Christmas the barn was finished, the Christmas Daddy awkwardly stumbled through his job change.  It was the Christmas Auntie jess got, "it's Friday" stuck in Daddy's head, and we listened to Dancing in the Minefields in silence while we waited for our toast to pop.  It was the Christmas of the comforting husband, the perfect weather, the song Hear Our Praises. 
& yeh, we cried... ample bosom or not.
& neil chatted with exclamation points all the way home. 
& this Christmas becomes, "that christmas" as it ends with a Silver fox pulling out of a friendly farm yard & i'm blinking back tears as the sun hits the snow and my husband murmurs, "You want a coffee for the road?"
& we wonder if those big extended family Christmases are maybe coming to an end?  These good years, sorrowful seasons - they come & go.  Some things you wait on your whole life & they never come.  Some reconciliations aren't yours to make.  Sometimes the seasons pass too quickly & we realize that in 2 years Cai will be in grade 12... & the winds of change are springing up all around us.
i'm grateful for this Christmas.
Even if it goes down in history as "that Christmas". 
Because the blend of the beauty and the sorrow - and the Faithful Father over all & in all... is a lesson i don't want to miss out on.


fawne said...

Do you see it Paige? The beauty radiating from you?! I feel it spilling out and even way down here I am affected by it.

Jen said...

(What Fawne said...)
This made me want to laugh and cry.

Andrea said...

i love sister love...and your sister :) *that Christmas* will likely be the most memorable for many years. part of your fabric


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