Thursday, December 1, 2011

i wonder

i wonder if Neil is tired of the salty taste from kissing away my tears?
i wonder if he's as ready as i am to sneak away... to soak in the sunshine that is our mutual company, to strip away every hindrance or barrier that would encumber us for our reprieve? 
i wonder if love is tired of being examined, measured frowned over?  i wonder if she wants to run spritely free leaving behind the sweet scent of bliss - as our laughter and tears confirm her existence?
i wonder how much my children catch?  And how much they miss?
i wonder if i am carving wounds in their sweet spirits that only the ministering of the Holy Spirit can mend, and i beg a merciful God to stay my hand!
i wonder when i'll wake up & i'll find the ache a little less, the memories a little softer and the hope a little stronger? 
But mostly, i'm grateful the tears get kissed away, that the reprieve has come.  i'm so thankful that i can see our love so clearly and that i have children to worry over.  i rejoice over the memories, the hope, and the Saviour who gently leads...
And in wonder, i slip my tiny hand into His, and press on.

4 comments:

Kali said...

beautiful. enjoy every moment of reprieve...

Anonymous said...

wow. I read your blog and it reminds me of a tortured writer or artist. you write so well..i am sorry..at least in your writing it sounds as if your marriage is in a state of peril. I only have read a handful of posts(15 or so) . I hope you will find peace soon. God Bless You. You know Christ and that is almost all the battle....

paige said...

http://sojourner-ephraim.blogspot.com/2011/11/home.html
Anonymous... Here is a link to a post that can explain my kinda angsty posts ;) not tryin' to be cryptic, but I forget sometimes that people might miss part of the story... Thanks for reading :)

Anonymous said...

Thanks Paige..I had read that post, but now it all makes more sense..you looking at marriage with fear..I am the product of divorced parents..or a mom who divorced the man who adopted me...complicated right...never knew nay different..just knew pain of remarriage to an awful man....

I thought I would NEVER marry...i have been married over 10 yrs to a wonderful man. I also have doubts..like what makes me so invincible? why wouldn't he cheat? why wouldn't he leave? But in my heart I know this is MY baggage I carry and not his...little by little I am unpacking my suitcases and the load is becoming lighter...with every baby adopted..with every passing year...every serious illness with us or kids...the load gets a bit lighter..the suitcases are now full of beautiful memories not just clutter... not just half folded clothes, half empty shampoo bottles..tear stained tissues

..so will yours Paige. The load will get lighter.You are so Blessed. You have many gifts and talents.Don't let another persons story become your own. Praying for you and your family..

Liz

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