So i am home.
i am safe and comforted, poured out, used up and finished.
My dry little soul praises my Maker for what November brought.
The ladies tea in Ponoka was a night of uncertainty. Would God come? Would He meet my needs when i was broken and afraid?
The memory that persists from that night was the woman who might have been in her 50's. She came up to me and tearfully told me about her losses. They far outnumbered the children she was given to raise. She almost whispered, "i never heard anyone share about miscarriage before. Thank you."
And then there were the four nights God gave me in Sexsmith. Each one unique and beautiful in it's own way. The third night was awash in tears, awkward pauses, strange mistakes and blunders... but i trust that even there, God can use my weaknesses for His Glory. The fourth night, i asked God what the evening would hold & felt a deep, honest peace... That night was my favourite - i felt like a baby soothed by it's nursing mama - and i felt like i finished with His blessing. i walked off... found a quiet corner... and closed my eyes with gratitude knowing that *home* was only hours away.
Once home, i hermited at my computer for a couple of stolen hours and wrote about eight hundred blog posts that begged to be captured (actually, only 6... but that felt like a lot!), a couple that i've shared already & others that i'm still figuring out - fingering the edges, considering their texture, their deeper meaning, the value - or lack of value. There is something comforting about the solitude of writing and the camaraderie that comes from sharing what you've written. Thank you, for reading here... it means a lot to me to have you come.
i sold all the books i had... and then a couple more that i will have to ship... and December brings the blessing of time away with Neil - & it makes me laugh that my Father knew how i would finish this month empty & He provided for replenishing in the next.
i hope December brings joy, sincerity and reconciliation. i hope it brings growth, honesty and clarity. i'd love to feel understood, but i'll settle for better understanding, if He'll let me.