Monday, October 4, 2010

Do you ever think of me?

i remember you - in your hospital gown - with your rounded belly, as you walked the halls.
You had coppery curly hair - & your husband looked tired.
i didn't want to look at you - as we both laboured in the full maternity ward.
i let Neil stay in that strange 'common room' they had - & i went & lay in my bed - waiting for the contractions to start.
i think i forgot about you for awhile - as you walked the halls & i stayed in my room... with the door shut - planets and stars seeming to orbit my small womb - that held my dead baby...
But we met again - you pale and surprised -
me screaming and crying for help -
when my baby came sooner than expected & i found myself alone.
& then you ran - & got help - even as your own labour continued...
& at the time, i thought only of myself - in my selfish grief - as i stared at that tiny lifeless form lying between my legs...
But last night i thought of you - of your baby.
i don't know if you had a son or a daughter on that september afternoon in 1997...
Maybe by now, your beautiful coppery hair has a few greys. Your son or daughter just celebrated their 13th birthday.
i wonder if you remembered me too - & my tiny son - on that maternity ward all those years ago...
& maybe when you tucked in your lanky teenager...
you felt gratitude-
like a gentle,

At the walk to remember, they were raising money for a 'remembering room' - for grieving families.
i carried around many... many regrets from Caleb's birth for a very long time after he was born. i wished that there were caring, gentle individuals - who could have helped me make good choices in such a confusing time.
i believe in this life honouring type of cause... & i hope it brings comfort to those who brokenly walk through it's doors.


Minerva said...

gorgeous poem, Paige! We will never forget our angels. I hope they got enough money for the remembering room.

deborah said...

I think a remembering room is a wonderful idea. I hope it can happen soon! My heart aches reading about your little son; though I sense a glimpse of a remembering room in your heart.

L Harris said...

Wonderful. Thanks for sharing.


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