The past few Fridays, i've gone to pray at the abortion clinic on 5th Ave before arriving at McKenzie Towne church for my "15 on Friday"...
This past Friday leaves me still struggling days later.
My prayers at the clinic were wordless - and i found it hard. Just... *hard*...
i was cold, hungry and i had woken up with a headache that was getting worse by the minute... i was feeling anti social - and i felt like going home, eating lunch and then crawling into a warm bath - & going straight to bed.
Softie was with me because she had been watching a new friend's 3 year old at the park while we prayed together.
"o, sloanie..." i muttered, "i don't wanna go pray at the church."
But i pulled into that parking lot - and left her in the warm van and dragged myself to the steps to pray.
i prayed every thought in my head. i went from memory and prayed the Lord's prayer. i tried to sing & my voice was weak & thin. My mind barked at me. i felt tired, hungry, sad and cold. Breakfast felt forever ago - and Supper light years away...
Surely i have been here longer than 15 minutes! Surely i could be done this time and go home. i looked at my clock. 4 minutes had elapsed.
Brokenly, i cried to the One who hears me... "i'm too weak. You asked your disciples for one hour, and i can't give you 15 minutes...You fasted in the wilderness for 40 days, and i can't give you the hours between breakfast and supper."
i stood up, and paced the steps, and spoke aloud to my Creator.... and minute by minute, my 15 minutes elapsed and finally i found myself back in my warm van heading home to my little ones.
i texted my mama, "Hardest Friday yet. i'm hungry, cold, shaking... i have a headache, am full of self pity and don't have any words to pray..."
& she texted me back only truth.