bonding

i packed up my little circus troope.
There were a couple things i needed at the store & then we were gonna head to the park.
Even with Softie missing, there did seem to be quite a few little bodies milling about at the cash register as they waited for me to finish paying. A man strolling by remarked casually, "You've got your hands full...."
It's one of several comments we hear almost every time we leave the house & i don't mind. It's not malicious, it's just a person's way of noticing that i have several children. "Are they all yours?", "Same mother and father?", "Any twins?", "Are you crazy?", "You must be saint!" - sprinkled sporadically through our outing. Sometimes you can hear the jovial friendliness, curiosity or shock in their tone. Sometimes i hear bitter resentment (i'm not sure why). Sometimes i hear, "you're lucky" - & there's a brokenness in their voice that makes me want to weep when i meet their eyes and answer in the affirmative, because i want them to know i take none of this for granted.
"What's that supposed to mean, anyway?" Cai snorted to me when he was out of earshot. i think she resents the insinuation that she - my very right arm - could possibly be considered part of a "handful".
"i suppose it means it looks like my hands are full."
"My favourite is when they ask you if you know what causes this." She grins wickedly, "Next time they ask that, you should ask them to enlighten you..."
i smile.
She has heard enough comments to form her own tender, blossoming opinions - & i wonder in the deep waters of her heart... what they are? She, our eldest, bone of our bones... part neil's forehead, part my blonde hair... part neil's etiquette, part my passion.
Our tiny girl growing into her own - part of us, yet becoming neither.
i long for each of my children to seek to please God first...
There is a time and a place for a parent's instruction - and i will do my best to be honest with them about the things that i believe to be true. But there will come a day - when their faith will have to be their own, their convictions must stem from their own conversations with God - not from blind obedience to their mother or father's will.
i see this bond forming between my tiny chicks and the One who holds them in the palm of His hand... and i'm glad.