i have 3 half written posts in my inbox that are gonna be obsolete by the time i ever get around to finishing them...
But on this gloomy rainy day - i need to post this one.
There were several of us sitting there - in the location for homeschool students writing the provincial achievement exam - mamas & the occasional papa there, waiting with younger or older siblings for their children to finish writing. Our children were writing math, language arts or science in varying grade levels while we waited in a small seating area in the foyer of the community center. i had left my crew at home since it was too rainy to do a park run - so i just had Ephraim snuggled into my chest as we sat & waited for Sloanie to finish her last exam.
"So, how many children do you have?" asked the momma of 4 rambunctious boys whose oldest girl was writing her exams.
"Seven." i replied - kissing sweet Ephraim's downy head as he snoozed in my lap - his blanket loosely wrapped around him making the perfect picture of baby loveliness.
The woman on my right glanced at me & said pointedly - though more sadly than anything, "You're lucky."
It would have been impossible to miss the longing in her voice - & i wanted her to know that i don't take the sweetness of my challenging job for granted - not one little bit - so i turned & found her eyes & said, "Yes. i sure know i am... i'm so very, very blessed..."
"That's what we wanted. We wanted a whole crew of children... but we only got three. Three is lots of fun though..."
"Yeh, three is really great, isn't it?"
But i could tell that mixed in with her gratitude for the ones she had - was a longing for the ones she didn't have. Maybe miscarriage - loss... maybe infertility... The room was too crowded, boisterous & impersonal to delve any deeper...
& so we didn't.
i felt Ephraim's little fingers curl around my index finger - felt the soft motion of his body breathing - & heard the faint clicking sound as he sucked in his sleep. My gratitude lay heavy in my arms as my son slumbered.