Monday, June 21, 2010

i hate miscarriage...

i guess that's like saying, 'i hate death & disease...'
i guess i do.
i hate the pain - & the sorrow & the grief that get drowned in well meaning people who quote statistics, "they say that so many percent of babies are lost to miscarriage & mothers don't even know it..."
oh.
So what do i say? i guess i shouldn't care then? i guess my world shouldn't be rocked? i guess i should just pretend my body doesn't moan and weep for the little ones it longed to carry...
i have been watching friends grieve miscarriages again this year...
Like i guess i do every year... friends or acquaintances... who come to mind frequently because i feel a little bit like maybe where they're walking is familiar sacred ground.
& i know i don't get it completely... we've all travelled different paths, delivered our little ones under different circumstances, in different seasons of our lives. Our grief is our own - our reactions unique.
i saw a picture in a community building today. It was a painting of a veteran sitting in a graveyard with a child sitting by his side, compassionately comforting the old man who sat with his face in his hands. i stopped mid step & looked carefully at the picture.
i felt like the old man...
i still miss my babies.
i wish i could show you - right now - on my blog - caleb's perfect feet.
Seriously - so cute.
won't
heaven
be
amazing....

5 comments:

Lori-Dawn said...

I kept the tears in until you described the picture of the vet and little child...then I came undone. Heaven truly is a wonderful place, and I can't wait to meet my little one there as well! I wonder what our littles will teach us? Will they have wonderful heavenly knowledge to share with us? or will it be like a deep sleep for them and they will simply wake up when Y'shua returns just like the other buried saints? I wonder what it's like. Full of anticipation I am!

Mae said...

I have had 2 misscariges, and I can't say it gets any easier. But God gives us the strength to see us through.

My mid-wife that I have been using for my last 2 pregnacies told me bout using progestorne cream to help pervent misscarges. Of course there is differnet reasons that your boby misscarys, but that can be one reason that your body is low in progrestrone. I strated using that after my last misscarge just at the very first sign that I may be pergnat again. And since I have had to healthy full term pregnaices. You can ask a mid-wife or doctor how to use it.
By the way I love the way you write your posts. They are very easy to read.
Blessings, Mae

Denise said...

I know people are "well meaning" but just because lots of women have miscarriages, it doesn't mean that to me it was no big deal... It feels like they are "making light" of it and the baby didn't really exist or wasn't important or something. A miscarried baby doesn't even get the dignity of a grave...

It's been more than two years since Nov. 28/07 but my mind still goes back to that fateful day...

And now that I'm almost 48 the likelihood that there will be another is slimmer and slimmer... and as my cycles get heavier and heavier, there are days that I contemplate going and telling the OB just to take it all out and be done with it all ... and be done with hoping for "just one more"...

Not sure why I wrestle with this as most women my age would think it was crazy to even consider having a baby at my age... but I can't seem to put it behind me ...

Yes, it will be interesting when we get to meet those little ones that we never knew in heaven.... Will we recognize them? Will they look like our other babies?

After having two full term pregnancies, I was so naive as to not even to think that there was a possiblity of miscarriage... so when it happened, it was a little like being mowed down... shocking!

Now I feel alot older and wiser... and more pesimistic... and I wonder why women who don't want babies seem to have them with ease (I know one gal who has had three children be apprehended by social services) while those who really want one, can't seem to have them...

God knows and I guess it's not his time or his will, but its hard to accept that "this is it..." and I know I should be grateful for the two I have, but yes, "I hate miscarriage, too!"

Saskatchewan Cousin

Lesley said...

A little girl in my Kindergarten class has been anticipating her new cousin since her Auntie told her the wonderful news that she was expecting. She wrote letters, drew pictures and made crafts for the new baby. I got an email yesterday that the baby had died and needed to be delivered. She was 9 months along...ready to go into labour any day. The funeral is this weekend. My heart just aches for them and for all the Mummies who have gone through such a monumental loss. The loss of a child, does it get any more difficult than that?

Stephanie said...

Thanks for putting my feelings into words. I lost three babies as well and it was a terrible, horrible painful experience. I look forward to meeting my littlest ones some day.

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