Still small voice...

i was thinking today about how terrified i am of being a dripping faucet...
& wondering why the idea of "speaking out" is so tied for me with being annoying, or pestering?
The idea washed over me like the sun coming out from behind a cloud...
i don't wanna be making so much noise that i can't hear Him.
Sometimes when i hear others speak passionately, or when i read their words written, i wonder, "do i sound like that?"
Is there room for my Shepherd's gentle correction in my thinking?
Am i willing to be wrong - & say that i was wrong?
i don't think that God is out there throwing the balls at my head as fast as He can & i can catch as many as i can, or duck, or just plain get smacked in the face... though that's sometimes how it *feels* as a Christian - trying to do it all, be it all & choose - in all things- to do right.
i think first and foremost, i want to listen to His calling to love.
He talks about love a lot in that book of His...
& it seems that so often, in our quest to be right...
we leave out the most important ingredient... love.
God is beyond our pitiful logic... He's beyond our painful debate & He's beyond our capacity for understanding...
He wants us to love... & that will give us insight beyond what we ever dreamed ourselves capable of. If we're changed from the inside out.... then we will humbly desire to walk in obedience.... & He'll give us the next step as we come to it.
There is no longer any room for feeling a righteous indignation when someone believes differently than we do... only a a gentle examination of our hearts & a humble acknowledging that it's a journey - & each loving act of obedience is gonna get us a little closer to our destination. Like iron sharpening iron...
So, Father, give me the courage to speak out when You want me to. Give me the humility to admit when i've been wrong or blind or willfully ignorant - & to change my course... but most of all, help me to wash it all in love - so that my life becomes a reflection of You.