Cai's nickname is Radar.
And it seems, her radar is constantly tuned in to my station...
"Momma, i had a dream that you're pregnant & you told everyone except me..."
"Mom, i had a dream that i found out you were pregnant on your blog!"
"Mom, remember when we were in Victoria 2 years ago & you were pregnant with Gage? Wouldn't it be neat if you were pregnant again??"
Finally i decided her little mind wasn't going to let this go - & i wondered if she had heard something & figured out the truth anyway, so i waited till we were alone one day & said, "Cai?"
Why did she look at me so expectantly? So hungrily? Like she already knew what i was going to say?
"There is gonna be another little baby."
She fairly flew across the room and into my arms. i wasn't sure how she would react - but i had an idea that she would be emotional. i could feel her fear in her little clinging fingers and her sobbing voice as she pressed me for details.
"How many weeks are you? So, the baby has fingers already doesn't it? When did you find out? How could you pretend you're not pregnant for so long??!! Only a little bit till we're past when we lost Hope... We can hear the heartbeat soon, right? What will your due date be? i think it's a girl! i can just picture her! Oh, mom... i'm so excited... and scared..."
i shushed & snuggled & answered all her questions.
i had prayed before we even conceived this baby that God would release me from anxiety and fear if i ever had another baby - and He did. i told her that the God who formed this little one, loved baby far more than we could ever - and whatever He will do, will be right... i felt total peace - & i hoped that her little radar would pick up on that & it would soothe her own little ruffled heart.
So, i wondered, how can you tell Cairo without telling Sloanie?
i knew the answer without hesitation: you can't.
i told Cairo that i would tell Sloanie too - but that i wanted to wait to tell the little ones until we had heard a heartbeat.
i waited the rest of the day for an opportunity to be alone with my little soft girl - & finally, close to bedtime, it came.
She looks up at me, sweetly, "Yes?"
"There's going to be another baby."
She smiles, "Really? Wow, i can't believe it..." pause, "We're gonna need a new van... we're not gonna fit anymore."
"i know, crazy, isn't it?"
i feel relief that i didn't tell the girls together. Last time we did, and poor unemotional Sloanie was completely floored by Cai's tears - this time she is free to react as her own little person - & she softly slides into my arms.
"i wondered if we would ever have another baby..."
"yeh, so did i."
"i can't wait."
i feel a tightness in my chest - i hope i didn't tell them too soon... but my own words come back to comfort me... My Father treasures the hearts of these little girls - these tiny women - even more than i do.
Whatever He will do, will be right.