i started a post about remembering...
& it got me remembering... hehe.
i have a bit of writers block & can't coherently express my thoughts - so i thought until i can - i'll save my post on remembering & i'd post a memory instead.
We have a bit of an age gap in our family. Between Mollen & Gage there are almost 4 years. In those years - i didn't foresee us ever having another baby. We were done - & for some reason, i just couldn't come to grips with that.
i wanted - if not a baby - the possibility of a baby. Does that make any sense?
It was our season of unrest in our marriage - love watered by long roots instead of from the warm rains above. Marriage carefully tended during the 'no middle ground' storm.
& then one day - i came into my kitchen to find this cartoon torn recklessly out of the newspaper & stuck to my fridge.
It was a husband & wife in bed (Daniel Shelton's comic "Ben"). The wife still sleeping & the husband leaning over her saying, 'Patty? i've been thinking... i think that maybe, perhaps... there's a slight chance we could start considering your suggestion to... possibly... try for another baby.'
Instantly awake - (i wish i could post the actual cartoon here - my description doesn't quite do it justice...) the wife jumps all over the startled husband & his momentary concession.
When i saw it... i thought - who put that scrap of newspaper on my fridge?
& then i read it...
& then i laughed...
i phoned Neil - who acted all, 'what?'
i left it on my fridge over the next months that led up to my pregnancy with baby Hope.
Every morning - it would give me a silly little pleasure - seeing the rough edges of the cartoon that was evidence of my husband's love for me.
When i found out i was pregnant, i had great plans of putting that cartoon into a baby book - with the story of daddy's playful surprise. The cartoon became even more precious to me.
The week we found out that there was no longer a heart beat - and that we were losing our little one, i came down to the kitchen to find my cartoon ripped into 7 pieces on the ground. Mollen had gotten ahold of it & being a 3 year old, had done what 3 year olds do so well.
i think i cried.
i tried to tape it back together...
but you couldn't even read the words.
In desperation, i emailed the cartoonist - who so kindly sent me a copy.
i still have it.
i really should frame it one of these days...
i want to have the memory of an elephant when it comes to Love.
And the memory of Dori from Finding Nemo when it comes to my grudges.
Love is an action word.
And memories of loving actions are like little bits of gold.
i'm sure learning to treasure them...