Monday, November 7, 2011

he winked at me

My sister described arriving for her daughter's appointment at the pediatric oncology unit and being greeted by a familiar face from her church as feeling like a, "wink from God"...
The image stayed with me after reading her post, because isn't that just like our Father?  Sometimes quietly standing in the shadows - showing us His mercy and love... His gracious compassion... with a wink? 
i have found myself lately in the midst of a really, really busy and heavy season.  i had the prolife conference last weekend, and a music/worship conference this weekend at our church, and as far as my eyes can see into my future, it's full of commitments, appointments and promises. 
And - i can't even tell you this whole story... because it's one of those stories that is still unfolding and unwrapping... & parts of it are mine & parts aren't...
But the part that i want to tell you about is mine...
& it's the part where He winked at me.
i got in my van to head to the church for the first evening of our music conference.  Graham Ord and Norm Strauss were speaking & to be honest, there wasn't a lot else that could have coaxed me out of my house that Friday night.  i felt heavy and blue - weary in a spiritual sense.  My introvertedness was rearing it's ugly head and i was craving solitude.
i was probably only a block from my house, when suddenly it felt like my whole van was full of this heavy, crushing inescapable gratitude for my husband Neil.  Now, looking back on it, i'm sure that it must have been God...
Our goodbye had been casual... Him whispering, "Sneak out so ephraim doesn't notice, k?" and me grabbing my purse and tiptoeing out the door with a, "Seeya".
It was completely ordinary.
There had been no fight, no awesome romantic moment to bring about this overwhelming gratitude - but i was so moved by it that i could barely wait to pull into the church parking lot so that i could text him and tell him how i felt.
i grabbed my phone and typed, "i'm so glad i married you.  Best thing i ever did."
He responded, "Ahh what?"
i persisted, "It just hit me again.  Grateful."
"i am grateful too."
"Love you."
That felt like the moment when God made eye contact with me. 
i tucked my phone in my purse and carefully averting my eyes from my friend's cheerful greetings, i went and found an empty seat to sit in...
i slouched in my seat, letting the words pour over & into me.  Soaking in what i could - and letting the rest sit in puddles around me.  Suddenly norm pulled out his guitar...
"Can we sing a song?" He asked. 
He started to play... and i softly sang along...
father of lights, you delight.... in your children.
father of lights, you never change... you have no turning. 
every good, and perfect gift, comes from you -
father of lights....
Midsong, he stopped singing - and still playing softly, he said... "when i sing, sometimes i like to just sing the things that i'm grateful for."  His eyes were closed, and he turned his face upward and sang, "i'm so thankful for my wife..."
And my ears rang. 
Because it was so unexpected, seemingly out of the blue. 
i felt the whisper in the wind, "you've got something there, paige... I've given you a precious gift & it's something you need to be grateful for."
& i'm pretty sure He winked at me.
& maybe it seems like a funny little coincidence, but how many times do we try to explain away the supernatural?  How cynical and unbelieving we can be when we roll our eyes and mutter, "That's it?  That's the best you can do?"
Because a wink from God... seems pretty significant to me...


Shari said...

I don't know what to say....this is one of my favorite posts of yours....thanks!!! :>)

mamazee said...

I miss hearing Norm Strauss and Graham Ord. I missthat flavour of sharing life through music. And i feel ya on the gratitude - it is the theme in our house and marriage this season...

Kali said...

I love this too- the winks from Him...the all-knowing, the humour, the "I've got it"look...I wonder if I'd find more winks from Him in my days, if I kept my own eyes wide open? Great post Paige.


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