i read a post from a mama of 6 the other day who stated unabashedly that she's struggling. & i felt that tiny nudging from deep within to put up a wary hand and and moan, "me too."
Near the beginning of this 40 days of prayer, i reached out to three beautiful women from my church & i told them what i was working on - & would they please pray for me and my family during this 40 days... They said yes & i know they have been praying - because even though i'm struggling - i see His hand working in my pain and weakness.
My struggles look like what anyone's struggles might look like - a sudden fresh dose of sleep deprivation, a deep hacking cough for each one of my seven beauties, discouragement, insecurity, rejection and wounded pride. i miss my husband like a child with separation anxiety and i'm so conscious of the burden of worry and sickness that my sister is carrying right now that i don't want to confess to my own weakness - thinking my phony strength will somehow spare her any further distress. There is a weight that is carried when we enter into - and pray consistently - for the hurting. & i can admit it with trepidation here:
i'm a weakling.
i told this to one of the ladies who has been praying for me in a furtive email, and she wrote me back, "I am reminded about the verse in 2 Corinthians 12:9... So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me."
& i feel nowhere near ready to boast about my weaknesses - but i want Him to know i'm willing to be made weak. i want happiness and pretty things - baubles and toys. i want frivolity and chocolate - and i want romance and tinkling laughter, 12 hours of solid sleep followed by breakfast in bed... But i want Him more.
So take even my weakness, Father - and let me see Your hand at work... Your grace is sufficient.