Wednesday, November 16, 2011

what's on my mind you ask?

i'm expecting overnight company tonight.  The sweetest, best kind of company - the family kind...
My kids are just finishing off their antibiotics & are still coughing and several of them are breaking out in a rash... is it from the antibiotics or their new pj's? 
What will i make for supper for my company tonight?
Neil will be gone till tomorrow night. 
The 2 big girls have 3 hours of violin at the college tonight... my company will babysit while i drive. 
My house is a mess. 
i need to read with Charter & catch up on math with Peyton. 
The 2 bigs need to practice for their classical lessons tomorrow. 
My cough has prohibited much practice for my singing stuff that's coming up.  i'm really nervous to sing & speak *5* evenings this month - and i hope i don't make a fool of myself with my hoarse voice...
My laundry bag is missing. 
Neil said the basement is a mess, but i don't have the heart to go down there. 
My baby still isn't sleeping through the night & i'm leaving him for 3 sleeps in 2 and a half weeks... i don't know how he'll do.
Wondering if i should take the rash kids to the doctor or wait it out? 
i have a meeting today that i really want to go to & won't cancel for anything - even though it's totally inconvenient. 
Everytime i sit down at the piano to practice, Ephraim cries.  Neil promised to take the littles swimming on Saturday so i can have some time to practice & talk out loud & 'time' my music & speaking all alone. 
i'm nervous that i'll say something stupid.  
i'm insecure.  & i'm tired of being insecure.  i'm ready to find my confidence again...
i feel like laughing and crying at the same time. 
Cai just walked into my room as i was making my bed & i blurted out that i love being a mom & i meant it... y'know how 'out of the overflow of the heart the mouth speaks'?  i now know what's really on my heart - & it's good. 
It's my niece & my nephew's birthdays today - & my darling niece is spending hers getting chemo & my nephew has hit that incredible milestone of 16 years... i wish i lived closer to my family. 
So there you have it... the gurgling thoughts on my mind.  Yes, i know - it's a jumbled mess - i won't post a crazed post like this very often, but for today - i thought it would be ok to post the frazzled mess of threads that are running through my mind & to laugh at my weakness & to pass the whole ball to my Father who soothes, sorts and organizes - he tenderly unravels, finds patterns and puts these threads to right.  He takes them on one by one and gives me the strength to take on each new task and worry...
i'm resting in Him today. 

6 comments:

Carol said...

This makes me tired just reading this! I hope your day goes well and your upcoming singing and speaking.

farm_girl_4_jesus said...

Your rawness and honesty are super refreshing, Paige. Love you so much!!!

Melissa said...

Rashes - umm, well, antibiotics definitely can cause rashes, but my understanding (with having a pharmacist in the house) is that a rash will usually show up sooner than this - i.e. during the first couple of days, not towards the end of a course of treatment. Of course, worth looking into. Every antibiotic is different. I'd call the pharmacist first, to be honest, and find out if this is a normal reaction to the drugs you guys are on. You can always bathe in a water/vinegar bath, too. :) Oh, and wash the jammies if you haven't already done so. :)

Where are you singing and speaking this month? That's awesome that God is opening those doors for you...

Enjoy *family*.

I wish I could give you a big hug.

Caitlin said...

I love love love your honesty.

Sara L said...

love your crazy post :) Sounds like my brain!

So sorry to hear about your parents... so so sorry... marriage is a precious gift. I love hearing about you and Neil :) What a blessing to be walking in a good marriage during this...

Blessings and prayers, Sara L

Marcy said...

I totally followed you so maybe my brain's a jumbled mess too. LOL! I hope you find your voice and the confidence you need in the Father's strength.

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