"i don't think i like music anymore..." i spoke softly - but the underlying tone was storm clouds and a certain sullen sadness.
"Oh, really?" & he smiled at me 'cause he's used to my tempestuous honesty.
& truly i thought that maybe that was the case... that i was sick of melodies and sounds and lyrics and chord progressions; sick of rhythms, dynamics, accents and noise.
But maybe i what i really needed was to cease making music - for just a breath - a moment - a measure.
So i did.
And, i got what i craved - sitting in silence - in the silver fox, on a great trek across the prairies riding parallel with the man i love. Letting myself brood tunelessly while he picked the radio station and hummed along to country music.
And i realized over the chorus of, "Where Corn Don't Grow.."
That i do still like music.
Even country music...
Country music carries me back to that little white honda civic he used to drive when he played rugby & i played piano... when i swore i'd have a Van Halen song at our wedding - and he suggested we tattoo our wedding rings on our fingers (neither of those things happened, for the record).
Listening to music is like smelling cookies baking, or your neighbour's barbeque. It's like waking up on Christmas morning & sniffing that turkey in the oven - or toast & fresh brewed coffee on a Saturday morning. Some music is like the smell of bubble baths - some like neil's clean skin.
Sometimes it's better than tasting, better than seeing, better than feeling - 'cause this mist of aromas takes you places you never knew you were allowed to revisit... it brings you back to the familiar - to that place of brokenness - to that place of first love - to that place of uncertainty...
& country music takes me back to the end of my teens - to the beginning of marriage.
As we drove that long straight road to Manitoba, where we lived for three impactful years, the music brought me there first. Every plunk and twang through Saskatchewan made me want to laugh out loud at the young love that defied the odds and has created a melody all it's own... (& i don't think it's a country music melody... but i could be wrong).
So i do...
i do still like music.
Even country music.