expectations

You wanna know Neil's tiny pet peeve about my blog? 
He thinks i'm too easy on him - he thinks i make him sound too good, too perfect, too right. 
& it's really not my fault, 'cause that man?  He fits me like a glove... The good is so glaring - and the bad is so pitifully unimportant... but today - because i feel like it - i'll tell you what he's not good at. 
Neil's not good at birthdays. 
He's good at buying things - he's generous and easygoing and willing...
But he's not good at being here - telling me he's glad i was born & became his - making his girl feel special, adored & birthday blessed...
i suppose it's partly my parents fault - having me in the middle of golf season & all...
This birthday, it's business that has taken him away - & even though we've been married these 15 long years, when i tip- toed downstairs in the early morning - an hour after he had left the house - i couldn't help but scan the counters for a card or a note... something in his chicken scratch scrawl that he left just for me...
& man - those expectations are tough to let go of. 
But - (& this is why i'm posting this today - 'cause i think it's important to not try to shove a sweet man in a God shaped vacuum...)
When did it become Neil's job to tell me my worth - and not The One who has delighted in me for these 35 years?  Who told me i had a right to expect a mere man - (albeit *my man* - who fits like a glove) - to make me feel a certain way on my birthday, as i watch the evidence of the birthdays past climb into the face i see in the mirror?
It's my birthday - & Neil?  Neil's the best present that God ever gave me...
Gratitude - is the perspective that changes everything. 

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Another review for my book posted on this beautiful photography blog! 
& my post on socks?  It's written... i'll post it soon.  :)