Thursday, July 14, 2011

expectations

You wanna know Neil's tiny pet peeve about my blog? 
He thinks i'm too easy on him - he thinks i make him sound too good, too perfect, too right. 
& it's really not my fault, 'cause that man?  He fits me like a glove... The good is so glaring - and the bad is so pitifully unimportant... but today - because i feel like it - i'll tell you what he's not good at. 
Neil's not good at birthdays. 
He's good at buying things - he's generous and easygoing and willing...
But he's not good at being here - telling me he's glad i was born & became his - making his girl feel special, adored & birthday blessed...
i suppose it's partly my parents fault - having me in the middle of golf season & all...
This birthday, it's business that has taken him away - & even though we've been married these 15 long years, when i tip- toed downstairs in the early morning - an hour after he had left the house - i couldn't help but scan the counters for a card or a note... something in his chicken scratch scrawl that he left just for me...
& man - those expectations are tough to let go of. 
But - (& this is why i'm posting this today - 'cause i think it's important to not try to shove a sweet man in a God shaped vacuum...)
When did it become Neil's job to tell me my worth - and not The One who has delighted in me for these 35 years?  Who told me i had a right to expect a mere man - (albeit *my man* - who fits like a glove) - to make me feel a certain way on my birthday, as i watch the evidence of the birthdays past climb into the face i see in the mirror?
It's my birthday - & Neil?  Neil's the best present that God ever gave me...
Gratitude - is the perspective that changes everything. 

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Another review for my book posted on this beautiful photography blog! 
& my post on socks?  It's written... i'll post it soon.  :) 

4 comments:

Melissa Bradley said...

I love it! Well Said. Precious!!!

Mandy said...

Happy Birthday Paige!

Carol said...

Happy Birthday...and I will try to remember this tomorrow when my family may not quite measure up to my expectations for my birthday!

Dana said...

Happy Birthday Paige! You share Joey's birthday, and yesterday was Lucy's. Noah's was last week so it's been a busy birthday household around here. Miss seeing you...let's have a picnic at the water park soon.

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