So - i got through my first tough topics... i posted on a rainy friday - & i survived. i've decided to give it a go again.
So, here goes - this post is about some "uncomfortable adoption options". i know that just the word adoption makes some people uncomfortable - but i think for the most part, we have gotten pretty used to adoption... At least, in the circles i travel in - it seems to be a growing trend.
Why are there certain incidences where adoption makes us so uncomfortable? There are 2 specific circumstances that i'm choosing to talk about in this post.
i talked briefly in my first 'tough topic' about embryo adoption - they're called snowflake babies - these tiny fragile beginnings of life - that didn't make the cut when their parents had ivf & are now finding homes in adoptive wombs. There's a part of me that can hardly wrap my mind around the whole idea of ivf - let alone the possible outcomes & choices to be made that can stem from that original choice.
My friend who *can* better imagine it, having been there, told me:
I know that when I got the paperwork, I poured over it and thought about it for a long time before making my choices . I knew what I believed but when you factor in such big circumstances (death, divorce etc.) you have to know the *right* thing to do still and be okay with it. Like, in our will, it states that in the event of my death, (dh) will find a surrogate, partner or consider embryo adoption. No other options are available to him because I said so. It is so much more than a whimsical choice......it's LIFE!
She also said:
I feel the same about my kids.....ya know when we went into IVF I did lots of research first and if (dh) wasn't willing to accept ALL of the babies that resulted from the process then I wasn't going to do it because I would never leave them.....luckily he feels the same. They all deserve that *chance*...i feel. And if (dh) wasn't willing to accept all of our babies, then yes, it would have broken my heart but I would not have created them only to destroy the *unwanted*. It's diabolical. I was not only in it for myself but for the *babies* that I knew existed within me......and had no chance of developing without a little help. I wish everyone felt that way.
She linked me to an article that blew my mind - & that i'm not even going to start voicing my opinions on today for fear i take a huge bite, instead of the smaller one i've planned on - but i'd love to share it just for food for thought. Click here.
(If you don't have the time to read the whole article, there are some startling statistics on the last page that you might not want to miss.)
i know it makes *me* uncomfortable to get excited about embryo adoption, because it breaks my heart to imagine wanting a baby *so* badly - & then not being prepared to deal with the consequences of IVF. i know that my last post makes so much more sense to me - encouraging ivf parents to not leave their babies behind... but in this case - adoption or death - it's a no brainer. A just society should welcome and protect little ones, and there are more parents open to adopting than there are "donated" embryos. Our hearts need to change - to soften towards life - even in the circumstances that make us uncomfortable... & even when it might seem like a less painful choice to choose to dispose of "unused embryos"... It's wrong.
It's not just the snowflake babies that i want to talk about today. The second part of the uncomfortable adoption option are the little ones who are diagnosed in utero with any type of "abnormality" before birth. Tests exist today to check for many types of congenital or chromosomal abnormalities before a babe is born. Statistics suggest that over 90% of children diagnosed with Downs Syndrome while in their mother's womb are aborted. It's not just the Downs Syndrome babies who are in danger... more & more we believe that when we decide that we are going to start a family, we are promised a perfect little baby with 10 fingers and 10 toes. This isn't always the case & when a babies seeming imperfections are diagnosed before birth - parents are given the choice of aborting.
Why is abortion a more comfortable choice than adoption? There are families waiting to adopt special needs children - & that option is always available. Honestly? i can see how it would make a mother & father squirm to go through the 9 months of pregnancy & then give that child up for adoption. It might seem embarrassing - or a huge physical ordeal to go through for a child that isn't what you bargained for. i can understand how it might seem like it would be less uncomfortable to choose abortion - less questions, less attachment, delayed guilt...
But again, it's life... it's not tissue. Given the chance, barring medical intervention - that little one growing inside would become... a *bigger person* who would continue to grow & at birth would finally be granted the right to it's life... If 40 weeks is all you're able to give - it's a lot more than 90% of parents with babies diagnosed with Downs Syndrome are able to give. & what a beautiful, sweet gift that someone would be *so* grateful to receive...
There are arms to take the babe - there are families that would welcome that wee gift...
Specifically, i guess instead of the broad statement 'someone will take the baby' - i should say, "Neil & i will take any baby". i know it's not likely i'm going to get an email tomorrow - but i just wanted to make sure that that offer is out there...
Well, this is turning into a long, emotional appeal. i'm sorry.
But, i think that if i'm uncomfortable with this "disposable life" world that we're living in, i need to be able to offer up the alternatives that are available. Maybe if we stop feeling so uncomfortable talking about them, parents might realize that there are other choices out there and abortion and destruction will become less common.
's all for now :)