purpose and a plan - part 1

i think i've said it a hundred times and in a hundred ways - that this has been a tough year.  A lot of it, i've blogged - but there are things i've left out too - some of the intimate details that made this a challenging year for me.  Regardless - it's a year that i'll always remember as being a 'tilling' year.  My sister and i were both impressed with that image of farmland being tilled - prepared - turned over and worked in preparation... it felt like *that* is what this year would look like for us. 
And yet, through it all, i have felt my Father's watchful eye and known His tender presence - and there hasn't been a time where i've doubted that even in this mess - of turned up soil, crumbling lumps of dirt, the deep cutting as the earth is separated, worked and brought to the surface... that He has a purpose and a plan.  And so it struck a very tender nerve when my sister sent me a passage from Isaiah the other day - that seemed to speak to my heart that is so ready to hear from my God. 
(Keeping in mind, i'm a nobody - just a stay at home mama who loves Jesus who listened to and read a few bible commentaries from a site recommended by her pastor... i'm not a teacher - but i really want to share some of the things that are rolling around in my mind making me excited to know that He has a purpose and a plan.)
The passage my sister sent me was from Isaiah 28 - the last part of the chapter, starting at verse 23:

²³ Listen and hear my voice;
pay attention and hear what I say.
²⁴ When a farmer plows for planting, does he plow continually?
Does he keep on breaking up and working the soil?
²⁵ When he has leveled the surface,
does he not sow caraway and scatter cumin?
Does he not plant wheat in its place,^[c]
barley in its plot,^[d]
and spelt in its field?
²⁶ His God instructs him
and teaches him the right way.

²⁷ Caraway is not threshed with a sledge,
nor is the wheel of a cart rolled over cumin;
caraway is beaten out with a rod,
and cumin with a stick.
²⁸ Grain must be ground to make bread;
so one does not go on threshing it forever.
The wheels of a threshing cart may be rolled over it,
but one does not use horses to grind grain.
²⁹ All this also comes from the Lord Almighty,
whose plan is wonderful,
whose wisdom is magnificent.

i read it the first time and kind of paused - 'cause i didn't really know what it meant.  i read it a second and a third time, trying to figure it out - reading the bits before and after to try to gain some perspective.  Finally, i went and checked out some commentaries (that our pastor says contain only opinions on the meaning of passages in the bible that can be helpful in getting background or a little understanding if we're feeling stumped). 

My new understanding is what is lifting my chin - to see a little further into the distance.  i'm beginning to see a little beyond the black earth being tilled all around me to see that the earth is tilled for a purpose.  There is a season and a method and a goal to what is being accomplished... and the God who is in charge of it all? His plan is *wonderful* and his wisdom is *magnificent*. 

There's gonna be a threshing process - and yeh... it's painful - and i'm sitting here - thinking as i read this passage - Oh God!  If we're compared to seeds - and some are hard and require heavy threshing before they can be used... and some are softer - and require a gentler approach, so that they don't become ruined in the process...   Can i choose to be a soft seed? 
Who knows... maybe... maybe i can...

If not - i still want to go through the process that allows me to be used.  If afflictions are God's threshing instruments used to loosen us from the world, then i know that He won't make them any heavier than they need to be to accomplish His purpose. i know my Father loves me, and that He carefully measures out all that has been given to me to enable me to bring Him glory.  He's not trying to crush me - He's trying to prepare me!  i can trust Him in the threshing process... i can trust Him when i lose my little baby... and all the rest that has been measured out for me from His hand -  this or any year. 

Because He's good.  

And He's kind. 

And He's wise.

And He's full of mercy.  

And He loves me (and you)... so very, very much.