i never posted this before ~ it's Cai's, but she said i could. i think sometimes i underestimated the impact that losing Hope would have on my other children. i remember i brought them all to the ultrasound ~ & they waited in the waiting room for me. i remember trying to get myself under control ~ just till we could get to the vehicle ~ but they knew something was wrong. Neil was out of town & we were going to pick him up at the airport. They all started asking questions & i just broke down clinging to the steering wheel & blurted out that our baby had died... all five of them cried. The sorrow was palpable. Cai seemed to me not the same for several months after we lost Hope. Even when we told her we were pregnant again, she just sobbed. Shortly after Gage was born, she wrote this poem... called, The Baby.

One winter day, a baby was born
a baby so special and long waited for
that one little person, so perfect and small,
changed all of our lives, the first minute we knew him.

Before this baby was even conceived,
another small baby began to be weaved...
but this little baby, so loved and so hoped for,
never took it's first breath in this imperfect world.

Both babies were blessings,
and we loved them both dearly,
but only one lived,
and only one cried.

Oh, why must we only remember?
When we could hold and love.
Oh, why must we only remember?
The baby who never could be.