Wednesday, August 8, 2012

i would have

Sometimes it takes a minute - or a month - to catch your breath. 
That's how i feel about you, Tiny. 
i thought that maybe since you were so wee - and my husband so unready... i thought that since i was so overwhelmed and my children so unsuspecting - that maybe i just wouldn't have to hurt over your Homecoming... quite so much. 
But there's this queer little ache that refuses to be shushed. 
You lived. 
And i don't care if i'm thought ridiculous anymore. 
i don't care. 
i don't need or want to talk with anyone about it - but it seems i'm incapable of escaping grief altogether... and so in this sojourning place... i'll just whisper the words of this post...
i would have loved you, Tiny. 
i would have defended your existence to your hesitant daddy.  i would have cleared out a tiny spot for you to lay your downy head.  i would have gone though morning sickness, stretch marks, discomfort and illness... in a heartbeat.  i would have taken the disapproving looks of friends and strangers...
i would have protected you with every ounce of strength i have...
if i'd have had the chance. 


Anonymous said...

my heart hurts for you paige.


Vanessa said...

Just made me cry, Paige. But-beautiful, and just how I feel about the very very little ones that we lost. Funny (as in strange, not humorous) how pain/grief sometimes waits to sneak up on you.

Mindy said...

Perfect. Love to you, Paige!

Lesley said...

You have every right to grieve. I'm glad Tiny meant so much to you. You have such a big heart that pours out in every post.


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